Unbearable Lightness of Being

DISCLAIMER: this post is a little confusing.. if you wish to read it.. read at your own risk... also, whatever is posted here... its ephemeral..

TODAY on Jeanne's Mind:

uber Rant: one thing that i hate the MOST about Filipinos is their issue with punctuality. This evening i got another taste of the 'famous' (or infamous) Filipino time.

Juniper and most of the kit and kaboodle promised to be at the restaurant at 7pm. i was there 10 minutes before 7. Come 7pm i was still on the second floor balcony smoking... 7:10, 7:20, 7:30... at this point my inner facist wanted to surface... so i lit up a cig (again) to try and calm myself down.. i was starting to get irritated by this. I hate waiting. its ok with me if i wait BEFORE the appointed time... but 45 minutes after??? $*#)#%!!

so i called Juniper up and some of the peeps. they all apologized for keeping me waiting.. and they told me that they were already on their way. i told them i didnt want to wait anymore.. so i left. in the cab i called Juniper and told her that i was on my way to the office and that they just enjoy the night.

the reason why i was terribly irritated was because i am still nursing a headache courtesy of my migraine attack the other day.

so sue me.

oOo

i have always viewed my life as a Stage Play. When people watch plays, they get get to see the end product. They do not see that behind the curtain, people are frantically running around like chickens with their heads chopped off.

As much as possible this is what i try to portray. a normal sedate life thats running smoothly. Relatively few people know the real deal.

Put it in this way, i am like a duck... on the surface, it seems like im just swimming gracefully above water, but underneath you do not see my little webbed feet churning frenetically to keep me moving in the direction that i wish to.

so whats my point?

my point is that i am a person who moves in a lethargic manner. i try to take things slowly because i know that once ive set my mind, it would be hard to change it. picture immovable object meets unstoppable force... harharhar.. you wouldnt know who is going to win.

get it?

you dont think so? hehehe... as long as it makes sense to me.. i dont give a flying fluff what you think... *jenn reigns back her inner bitch*

oOo

i have always had this "sickness" that when i name something.. i get attached to it. i tend to hate "terms of endearment" coz of that.

i dont know if im scared of commitments or if i am just too lazy to take care of relationships.. coz those two take a lot from you. Its like taking care of a puppy.. its nice to have it at first but once the novelty wears off... it becomes an obligation/responsibility.

i dont try to view all my relationships like this because it takes the fun out if it... but there are times that i do (specially when im stretched to my limit) but the thing is... i hate it when i dont give a 100% of myself in a lot of things. so more often than not... im the one who is stressed out.

call me crazy.

its driving me a lil nucking futz... hehehe... maybe i really should get a shrink and help me figure things out. maybe i really AM bi-polar...

maybe im just losing whatever marbles i have..

this then brings to mind a book that i once read... Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera... there was this one passage there... i cant recall it verbatim but the essence is... "which would you choose: to be so grounded on earth with all its burdens with the ones you love or be so high above the skies with the angels and have an unbearable lightness of being?"

heavy right?

another passage that i liked there was the something that Sabina said... i think it goes something like: "I've met another man. He's the best man I've ever met. He's bright, handsome and he's crazy about me. And, he's married. There's only one thing; he doesn't like my hat. " too true, how come all the good men are taken? either that.. or they're gay... *sigh*

another quote would be from Tereza and this truly applies to MOST people today... she says, "I don't understand how someone can MAKE love without BEING in love."

oOo
so there.

gotta read my KC's now... prep time for work.

later!

(--;)