tired...

i haven't had sleep worth mentioning for the past nights. i am crankiness personified. so looking forward to the uber long weekend ahead. i need me to get some sleep.

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I find it so cute that my babe and me wore the same shirt on the same day. hahahaha... we look like walking ads for adidas.

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i love the new look that Starbucks Araneta has. (i mean they just changed the chairs and stuff, but i love it nonetheless) i feel more comfortable chillaxing there now. going there tonight for my caffeine fix.

Locked Up in my Tower

The point self reflection is, foremost, to clarify and to find honesty. Self-reflection is the way to throw self lies out and face the truth- however painful it might be to admit that you were wrong. We seek consistency in ourselves, and so when we are faced with inconsistency, we struggle to deny.

Denial has no place in self-reflection, and so it is incumbent upon a person to admit his errors, to embrace them and to move along in a more positive direction.

For sometimes we are afraid to hope, because hope breeds expectation and expectation can lead to disappointment.

And so i ask myself again, without the protective wall - or at least, conscious of it and determined to climb over it - why do i feel kinship to some people who has betrayed almost everything that i came to hold dear? why do i think about them ever?

I have often wondered, even recently and even as i ponder this new direction, if they are the one who i might have been had i not chosen the paths that i have chosen.

Reality is a curious thing. Truth is not as solid and as universal as any of us would like it to be; selfishness guides perception and perception invites justification. They physical image in the mirror, if not pleasing, can be altered by the mere brush of fingers through hair.

And so it is true that we can manipulate our own reality. we can persuade, even deceive. we can make others view us in dishonest ways. we can hide selfishness with charity, make a craving for acceptance into magnanimity, and amplify our smile to coerce a hesitant lover. the world is illusion, and often delusion, as victors write the histories and the children who die quietly under the stamp of a triumphant army never really existed. The robber baron becomes philanthropist in the final analysis, bequeathing only that for which he had no more use. the king who sends young men and women to die becomes beneficent with the kiss of a baby. every problem becomes a problem of perception to those who understand that reality, in reality, is what you make reality to be.

For a more difficult alteration than the physical image is the image that appears in the glass of introspection, the pureness or rot of the heart and soul.

For many, sadly, this is not an issue, for the illusion of their lives becomes self delusion, a masquerade that revels in the applause and sees in a pittance to charity a stain remover for the soul. How many conquerors, i wonder, who crushed out the lives of tens of thousands, could not hear those cries of inflicted despair beyond the applause of those who believed the wars would make the world a better place? How many thieves, i wonder, hear not the laments of victims and willingly blind themselves to the misery wrought of their violation under a blanket of their own suffered injustices?

when does theft becomes entitlement?

There are those who cannot see the stains on their souls. some lack the capacity to look in the glass of introspection, perhaps, and other alter reality without and within.

Only there, in that place, is the road of redemption, for any of us. only in facing honesty that image in the glass can we change the reality of who we are. Only in seeing the scars and the stains and the rot can we begin to heal.

I am not a king. not in temperament, nor by desire, nor heritage, nor popular demand. i am a small player in the events of a small region in a large world. when my day is past, i will be remembered, i hope, by those whose lives ive touched. when my day is past, i will be remembered...

I hope, fondly.

just to keep you informed

• im locking myself up in my tower for the meantime... my faith in my fellowmen has waned once more
• sold my vaio today.
• having my internet connection cut off.. i want to disassociate from the world for the meantime. same goes with my mobile phone.
• i have 2 cracked ribs... car accident. long story.
• i know understand why Gregory House loves Vicodin.
• i wish i was dead... really... heart smashed into smithereens...
• getting a little annoyed... when will you pay me back?

to touch and be touched...

early this morning, i felt that i had a stiff neck. i rotated my head clockwise and counterclockwise a couple of times. Lorrens was seated beside me, he goes "Babe, ano ginagawa mo?" so i told him that i think i have a stiff neck.

i was surprised when he offered to give my neck a massage. my hair is kind of longish already. i think he was having a minor problem with my hair in the way. he asked if i had a brush and a scrunchie. i wasnt really paying attention to what he was doing since i was reading something from the WBT.then i was surprised when he brushed my hair and put it up in a ponytail. then resumes the massage.

the last time someone brushed my hair was when i was a child. i was just pleasantly surprised that someone did it to me now that im a grown up adult. my lips kept turning up at the corners. i was touched by the gesture. i know its no big deal, but it was heartwarming.

i am pleased.

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I just finished screaming my lungs out. The Green Archers have take game 1 of the best of three championship against the UE Red Warriors. It was a hell of a game! There were so many lead changes and turnovers and deadlocks that even Nostradamus couldn't have predicted who would win the first game. The last 14 seconds of the game was a breathtaking...

I guess it all came down to championship experience and who wanted it more. Both teams had excellent coaches... the Pumarens are two of the best coaches in the league, but coaching can only do so much... its the players that are the ones that make it happen.

and they DID.

mad props to #11 Tyrone Tang for being an excellent point guard and leading the team to an important victory (heehee.. syempre biased ako coz he's my pamangkin). Cholo Villanueva, JV Casio and Rico Maierhoffer for being the pillars of strength that the team rests upon and of course Coach Franz Pumaren... steer the course to Victory!!

Animo LaSalle!!