The Road Less Traveled

Lost in a sea of faces.

Alone in a crowded room.

Forever in misery.

Hearts on sleeves.

Fall like rain on the pavement.

Dull.

Like the color of cheap crayons on paper.

Reached out.

Failed (?)

Sincere?

I hope.

oOo

Ever felt that way? Youre in the midst of a crowd and yet it seems that you are alone?

This morning I KNEW how it felt.

You smile. You laugh. But it isnt REAL.

Everything is FAKE.

A LIE.
A JOKE.
A FACADE.
AN IMPOSTOR.

I'm tired of this shit.
Once again I fall.
Numb to the pain.
Or so I thought.

oOo

I'm at a crossroads right now.

Should I take the road less traveled? Go to the States and try my luck there?

Or should I stay here and be with people that I love, places that I am familiar with, a culture that I am comfortable with.

Last night at Starbucks, I was thinking about how to solve this problem. I was weighing the pros and cons of this opportunity.

I came up with two reasons why I shouldnt leave.

1. My dad

This is the man I love the most. He is my bestfriend. My protector. My towerblock. The shoulder I cry on. The hug that is given at the time that I need it the most. The voice inside my head telling me to keep on living, loving, caring, breathing. The person that wipes away my tears and tells me that I am one of the most beautiful things on this world.

Yes, even if we rarely see each other, I know that it just takes one SMS or phone call for him to get to me, that he is never too far away.

2. a friend.

I take my promises seriously. I promised that I wouldnt leave. Old & wrinkled... `nuf said.

Here are the reasons why I SHOULD leave:

1. I started out with nothing... and i still have most of it left.
2. Maybe everything will be bettter. A change in scenery might help.
3. I get to travel and learn a new culture.
4. I get to start over, maybe get to meet people who take you as you are.
5. I don't know if there is still something worth holding on to here.
6. The economy there is a little better.
7. Maybe I'd be offered the chance again by my granmum to study at NYU.
8. Clothes shopping there wouldn't be hard.
9. Maybe I'd find my 'grand passion' there.
10. Maybe he'd miss me when I leave. Maybe.

oOo

HOPE is such a cruel bitch.

She leads you on.
She makes you high.

Then drops you.

I am scared to hope.
The ember of hope in my heart is now smothered by a thick blanket of fear and hesitation.

I am scared for him.
Maybe things will be better.
I pray for it everyday.

He seems as fragile as crystal vase.
When Hope drops you.
Do not worry.
At the point that you shatter,
I'd be right here.
Picking up pieces of your broken self.
I wouldn't mind bleeding for you.
I'd do anything to make you whole again.

*sigh*

Pakiramdam ko talaga hindi para sa akin tong laban na to. Nauubos na ang bala ko. Nawawalan na ako ng lakas ng loob.

(--;)