Talking about Bestfriends and the men in my life

For nothing better to do and it seems to me that my muses have deserted me… I’ll just talk about several people who are near and dear to my heart.

The men in my life:

I find it weird that most of my ex boyfriends are my bestfriends and some of my bestfriends have become my boyfriends…

Yuck right?

Dunno why that happens…

Let me see…

JONATHAN:
Computer Engineer.

What I liked about him: Beautiful brown eyes. Petite. *lol* funny (as in haha funny, not weird funny) Agnostic.
History: started out as friends, ended up dating coz all of our friends were dating.
Reason for break up: found another girl (office mate)
Break up line he used: “Mas madalas ko syang kasama. Ikaw once a week lang kita nakikita.”
Mantra to get over him: “Ok lang… bansot naman sya eh. Wedge heels lang ang katapat nyan.”
Status in my life: friend


JOASH:
Electronics and Communication Engineer

What I liked about him: Beautiful brown eyes. Tall (5’8), very intelligent, witty and we were on the same wavelength with peeves and faves. Funny. Devoted to his family. Mature spiritual relationship with God.
History: He was friends with my brother. Got introduced. Went out.
Reason for breakup: too busy
Break up line he used: “Nakakahiya naman sa’yo. Wala akong time for our relationship. Its unfair for both of us.”
Mantra to get over him: “Just keep working. Its gonna be ok. He’s not the only guy in the world, even if he was the perfect one…”
Status in my life: Best friend

JEFF:
Financial Analyst/Real Estate Agent

What I liked about him: Beautiful brown eyes. Sexy toes. Tall (5’7 ½), Witty. Adorable parenthesis smile. Goal/career oriented.
History: Classmate from grade school up to HS. His parental units and mine were trying their utmost to pair us up. Caved in to pressure. Lasted 3 years
Reason for breakup: irreconcilable differences
Break up line he used: “Wala ka nang naico-contribute sa growth ko. I have standards you know.”
Rebuttal: “Standards pala ha… Batuhin kaya kita ng Standard Electric fan… hindot.”
Mantra to get over him: “Just keep swimming. You’re one tough beeyatch. We’ve gone through a lot of shit to get where we are… We’re gonna survive this. Love yourself more.”
Status in my life: good friend

See the pattern? Aside from beautiful brown eyes, I believe I never had a boyfriend/bestfriend that didn’t contribute to my character growth. I learned a lot from them and for that (even if some of them were jerks) I was happy. I also have a penchance for names starting with the letter J.

oOo

Howie is a different story altogether. We have been the best of friends for the past 7 years. The “affair” wasn’t really one sided, but lets just say that we’re both confused about the situation.

He has absolutely GORGEOUS cinnamon brown eyes. A great smile. A brilliant mind. A cute butt. ^_^

*sigh*

oOo

Robbie has gone back to the States… :o(

oOo

I’m having a really bad day. My nose is all clogged up, my throat hurts from all that coughing and its that time of the month again. So I’m cranky, weepy, bloated, sore and cold. This is turning out to be a really bad day. To add to the mess… its raining outside, my mobile phone has a virus and my bessy looks like he woke up from the wrong side of bed.

I don’t feel so good.

This sucks…

Conversations

Conversation is a meeting of minds with different memories and habits. When minds meet, they don't just exchange facts: they transform them, reshape them, draw different implications from them, engage in new trains of thought. Conversation doesn't just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards.- Theodore Zeldin

I always have the strangest cravings. Lately I’ve been craving for a good conversation. Living alone doesn’t help with that issue. Lately, (since I’ve entered the call center industry) I can’t seem to find anybody to share one with. I start to exist when my friends are already in dreamland. While with my NFF (new found friends) we cant seem to find any other topic aside from the calls that we had. I have actually tried to initiate a conversation outside shop but I guess we are just all too tired from work that our brains can’t process anything even remotely profound.

*sigh*

Marching to the beat of My own drum...

Touched by an Angel
(A series of Haikus)

A special individual
Came into my world
He’s an angel come to life

Kindness and care he showed me
A difference he made
My life he changed; now renewed.

He is an angel to me
Mortal entity
A best friend he came to be

Wished he saw himself through me
Through my eyes, perceived…
The beauty of his presence

His existent, tantamount
A blessing from God
He is and will always be.

Thank you so much my dear friend
For listening, caring
My deepest thanks I owe you.

oOo

I really have no idea why I intimidate people. Is it because of my size? Is it because I tend to frown a lot? I seriously don’t know.

My mom told me that I have this peculiar attitude of being great at starting things but I am very poor at ending them. I asked my best friend about this and he said that most people are really like this. I also noticed this attitude and when I tried to evaluate myself, the only thing that came to mind is that its because of novelty.

I asked my bessy this question once… “Do you think one of these days we wouldn’t be friends anymore?” and this was his answer… “Our friendship is different. Only you can stop it but I won’t allow it for just any stupid reason. Your reason should be valid and understandable.” So I SMSed him back and said “Yeah, I would be pretty sad if one of these days I would just wake up and not want to have you as a friend.” Well he didn’t reply anymore so I guess what I said was moot.

I believe I am like this when it comes to relationships. Either with family or friends. I know for myself that when I love doing something, I tend to give way more than 100% for it, but for some weird reason, when I don’t feel like doing/maintaining the said thing/relationship… I just stop… just stop.

Its like walking down the street and suddenly stopping in the middle of the street. Maybe that’s the reason why my mom says that I’m a good starter but I’m a bad finisher.

To be more poetic.. *teehee* lets put it in this way… I believe I am like a comet/falling star… beautiful while it lasts but when it ends, you would rarely see it again.

I also think its because I’m not a people pleaser. When people try to put me in a box or try to start dictating the how I should go on with my life, I have the overwhelming urge to scream at them for no apparent reason and then just mosey on with my life.

I would like to think that I was indeed marching to the beat of my own drum. Either that or I just have a problem with authority.

I am actually confused… (maybe its because I’m bi-polar) I cannot live my life without talking to anybody or sharing at least a part of me with them. But I cannot bear spending too much time with them. I need my ALONE time.

This is the reason why more often than not, when you first see me, I would always have earphones stuffed into each ear or I’d be seen lugging around a book reading while walking, eating or even while in class *teehee*. I tend to shut out the world.

Its also my mantra you know… “only dead fish go with the flow”

So sue me.

confessions of a junkie

i am a junkie.

i am a junkie because i cannot live without the following things/people in my life:

God
McDonalds Cheeseburgers
Pringles Sour Cream & Onion
Jasmine and Green Tea
My mobile Phone
My Journal (blog and the one that i have in my bag)
My Dad
Reading

i am a cheeseburger junkie because this is the one type of food that i will eat everyday and i wouldn't be sick of it. my mum actually says that i practically live on junk food. i rarely eat rice. id rather eat pasta or pizza or yes... CHEESEBURGERS.

the bottomline here is that i believe that i am an MSG junkie... hehehehe...

i adore the sour cream pringles i swear... this is the only flavor for Pringles that i actually eat...

aside from being an MSG junkie, im also an addict for wonderful smelling teas. Jasmine and Green tea are the most lovely teas that i have tasted...

my mobile phone is my life. i love sending SMS and calling... in a nutshell i LUUURRVVEE talking. i cannot live my life if i cannot talk.

Journals... aside from talking, my second love is writing. i may not be perfect in this aspect but i still love writing. Journals are tangible memories. whenever i would wish to go back in time or walk down memory lane all i have to do is pick up my journals...

my dad... nuff said..


oOo

im pretty finicky when it comes to 3 things: my bed, bathrooms and food. im not maarte... most people would say that i am... but i really dont believe that. but maybe its just me...


oOo

hi bes. la lang.. miss yah! (--;)

Feels so Good..

:*) awww you're so sweet... you called in just to sing Beautiful by James Blundt... why did you have to do that.. i just texted you my break sched... :*) its a good thing that you called during my second break... :*) you're such a sweetie..

oOo

i had a good day yesterday... i had good calls and i found out that i was a candidate for the Lee Kwan Yew Scholarship Foundation... i applied for that scholarship last November... and i just checked my email yesterday... OH MY GOD... i was sooooo happy!!! i applied for a 2 year Masters in Public Administration... under the scholarship, (if you get accepted) are free board and lodging, tuition, an allowance and they will be giving a part time job for you to have pocket money. Gosh... and my interview will be next Wednesday at 2pm at the Dusit Hotel.

oOo

While taking calls today i was talking to Christine (an MSN TS L1) over I.M... we were discussing about our depressing psuedo-relationships.

Her pseudo-bf visited her earlier at her station and asked her to join him for dinner later this evening. she said no. coz she wasnt happy anymore with their set up.

this reminds me of me and my pseudo-rel now. Carlo is such a sweetie, but i know i shouldnt try to own him... we both jumped into this pseudo-rel with eyes wide open, we both agreed that we'd take it one day at a time... but i'm getting a little impatient.

I actually called Pastor Enzo about this... hehehe.. consulatation call... he said that Carlo was really like that. he takes things slowly... according to him, during Carlo's stint in the Church's music ministry, he would rehearse the same song over and over till he gets it right.

i sure hope Carlo has the same principle when it comes to "relationships"

oOo

*sigh*

so there..

(--;)

Pertinent Details

I am so bored.

Since i have nothing better to do... I'll just post the surveys that ive answered at friendster...

1. anong ayos ng buhok mo?
[+] ponytail ngayon

2.kumusta na ang puso mo?
[+] ayun... puso pa ren

3. may iniisip ka ba ngayon?
[+] lapit na first break ko. ano kayang pwedeng gawin?

4. madali ka bang magalit?
[+] nope. pero matampuhin ako

5. anong mga madalas mong ikagalit?
[+] bihira nga ako magalit. matampuhin nga ako. usually nag tatampo ako if i text a person and they dont reply. or when they come to me for advice but they dont listen anyway.

6.ano ginawa mo ngayong araw?
[+] nag tr-trabaho

7. kelan ka huling uminom?
[+] kanina

8. anong ininom mo?
[+] Pepsi X

9. may plano ka ba sa feb14?
[+] next year? wala e.. hindi ko pa alam

10. single? o taken?
[+] reserved pwede?

11. kelan ka huling tumawa?
[+] kanikanina lang.. my best friend made me laugh so hard.

12. madali ka bang maimpluwensyahan?
[+] depends...

13. e may lakad kba mamaya?
[+] wala matutulog kasi ako

14.may pinoproblema ka ba ngayon?
[+] wala naman.

15.anong pinakagusto mong nabili lastweek?
[+] book. Memoirs of a Geisha. I missed the Chairman kasi.

16. anong mas gusto mo? kung ano ka dati o kung ano ka ngayon?
[+] yung ngayon minus the trampled heart

17.mahilig ka bang makipag-debate?
[+] depends.. im a debater eh... saka im a law student. i believe that it is a pre-requisite

18. anong huli mong napanood sa tv?
[+] Panic Room sa AXN

19. halata ba pag may problema ka?
[+] di kaya. ako pa :)

20. madali ka bang magpatawad?
[+] yes. but i rarely forget.

21. e ang makalimot?
[+] nope

22.anong mas gusto mo? single na like mo pa lang o taken na mahal mo na?
[+] hala. single na lang.. kasi im inlove with a guy who is reserved... hehehe mahirap

23.may crush ka ba ngayon?
[+] yes. si... *sigh*

24.ilan ang sim mo? anong gamit mo?
[+] 3. globe, smart, and sun

25.sino madalas mong katext at kchat
[+] ka text.. yung mga naka globe. ka chat... si ally and Gatas Moo. sometimes si Dodie.. pag nag re-reply sya.

26.anong pinapakinggan mo ngayon?
[+] yung static sa headset ko. grounded sya eh... nag aantay ako ng whisper tone

27.kelan ka huling nagkasakit?
[+] may sakit ako ngayon

28.san ka makikita this sunday?
[+] sa ELJCC 7th floor.

29.when ang sunod na party?
[+] wala. cno may bertdey?

30.anong pinagkakaabalahan mo ngayon?
[+] trabaho. blog. at pag sagot ng survey na ito.

31.anong laman ng bag mo ngayon?
[+] a notebook. my cologne, my mobile phone, ciggies, lighter, wallet, my spill proof mug.

32.anong kulay ng medyas mo?
[+] wala po. am wearing slippers

33 anong laman ng puso mo ngayon?
[+] sinulid at mighty bond. broken ang puso eh...

34.anung masasabi mo sa nagpost nito?
[+] well trishy is as short.. este petite as ever. pero love ko pa ren sya

35.anung oras ka natapos?
[+] 5:48am

oOo

1. kung ikaw ay isang bolpen, anongtatak mo?
~ Too Sexy For Your Paper Ballpen

2. kung ikaw ay isang cellphone, anong model ka?
~ yung pwedeng compatible sa PS2.. wehehe

3. kung ikaw ay isang brand ng sapatos,ano ka?
~ Too Sexy For Your Feet shoes

4. kung ikaw ay isang payong, anong kulay ka?
~ Purple baby! the color of royalty

5. kung ikaw ay artista, cno k?
~ Jeanine Garoffalo

6. kung isa kang kulay, ano ka?
~ Purple nga

7. kung ikaw ay kotse, ano ka?
~ Maserrati Spyder

8. kung isa kang subject sa school, ano ka?
~ Philosophy

9. Kung isa kang pagkain na itinitinda sa school mo, ano ka?
~ Too Sexy For Your Tongue Pizza

10. kung isa kang lifeguard, saang lugar mo gusto mag duty?
~ Doon sa konti tao

11. kung isa kang brand ng damit, ano ka?
~ Too Sexy For Your Nipples shirt

12. kung isa kang printer, mabagal ka bao mabilis magprint?
~ CSR ako... mabilis yun

13. kung isa kang cellphone,eskandaloso ka ba?
~ Naw.

14. kung isa kang HAPONESA, sino ka?
~ Si Utada Hikaru

15. kung isa kang ulam, ano ka?
~ Paella (ulam ba yun? hehe)

16. kung isa kang stuffed toy, ano ka?
~ Stuffed Toy na Jenn... or si Pucca

17. kung isa kang gamit sa bahay, ano ka?
~ dildo? HEHEHEHEHE joke lang... syempre PS2

18. kung isa kang beach resort, saan?
~ Amanpulo

19. kung isa kang kanta, ano ka?
~ Sampip

20. kung isa kang tv program, ano ka?
~ CSI

21. Kung ikaw ay isang cartoon character,sino ka?
~ si kenshin himura

22. Kung ikaw ay Bahay, san ka matatagpuan?
~ Kung saan may lupa

23. Kung ikaw ay fruit, ano ka?
~ Peach

24. Kung ikaw ay gatas, anong tatak
~ Milk.. Lelz

25. Kung ikaw ay website, ano ang laman mo?
~ Rants na sadyang nakakapagpaisip

26. Kung ikaw ay Bacteria, anong klase ka?
~ Nagbibigay lakas ng loob sa utak ng mga mababit na guys para mapansin ng girl na gusto nila.

28. Kung ikaw ay pera, ano ka?
~ Peso pa rin.

29. Kung ikaw ay insecto ano ka?
~ Butterfly
30. kung ikaw ay isang carebear, ano ang logo ang nasa tummy mo?
~ smiley

31. kung ikaw ay isang aso, anong breed ka?
~ Malamute

32. kung ikaw ay parte ng katawan, ano ka?
~ Hands.. touchy feely kasi ako

33. kung ikaw ay isang uri ng panahon, ano ka?
~ Winter..

34. kung ikaw ay gulay.. ano ka?
~ Petchay

35. kung ikaw ay isang uri ng bola, ano ka?
~ golf ball.. para mayaman lang ang gumagamit sakin

oOo

i don't know what to say. i don't know whom to talk to. i am not even sure if what i'll write will be a reason enough for you to change your mind. my heart and mind are set. my future is planned. i know and i am sure that you are on it. i see you having breakfast with me. i see you waiting for me til i come back after a day's work. but i can't say something that might hurt all the people that surround me. i respect you if that's what you want to confirm. i may not show and say everything you are expecting from me but i assure you, no one can replace your spot in my heart. no matter what. laughter. smiles. worries. trials. challenges. hardships. differences. dreams. all these i accept -just to be with you. i hope you understand. i don't even dare to close my eyes. im afraid that when i open them, everything has changed - and you are not there. i care for you and all the people that encircle you. i know you do too. i pray you open your heart on what you want,what you really want. i love you. i know you already know. i'm just telling you again...just in case you forgot.

oOo

most people think that i'm a tad loony because i smile and laugh even when im alone. everytime that im alone, i tend to mull over events/things that have happened in my day... and when a funny memory pops up, i smile.. even when im riding in a jeep.

one of my favorite persons on this planet made my day... hehehehe... even if what he said was a little... gross. *teehee*

while smoking at Starbucks earlier, we were talking about the color of his eyes and out of the blue he says..."why are you looking at my nipples?" Whoa nelly! I'm like... WTF?! hahahahaahahahahaha... i have an excellent imagination.. so when he said that... an image popped into my head and i believe it has now scarred me for life... eeeewwww... of course he had to add an adjective he had to say that they were... PERKY! double eeeww... hahahha.. now i cant get that image out of my head...

it made my day because he never fails to make me laugh. for that i am actually glad coz i rarely find reasons to smile lately. ^_^

so there... (--;)

nb:
i didnt miss you today... the image of the pertinent body parts that you have mentioned will accompany me till the day i die... :rotflmao:

Day Off.. Shmay hoff...

Ha!

I am one messed up individual.

on the upside though, i have fantabulous friends.

Thursday:

* chilled out at a friends house. caught up on some news and PS2ed our brains out.
* on the way home, we were unwilling participants in a horrendous car accident. i now know how a dice feels like when its shaken in a container. i am the PROUD owner of a HUMONGOUS bluish purple bruise on the left half side of my back.
* Japes busted his eyebrows open. Harvey busted his head open (he hit his head on the window which btw shattered the glass) they are both proud owners of stitches on their mugs. Japes with 4, Harvey with 7.

FRIDAY:

* woke up.
* couldnt move.
* terrified.
* tried to reach my bag (so near yet so far)
* everytime i tried to move, every muscle from the shoulder down to my knees would cramp up. i never knew how painful cramps could be till that day came along.
after a few hours, i have succesfully reached my phone and texted my mum to come and pick me up from the apartment.
* my mum being a retired pharmacist made me drink some meds before they transported me home. on the way home, she almost nagged me to death... it made me wish that i was stuck at home cramping from the neck down. but as soon as that thought popped into my head, i banished it because i never felt relief so big... as same as the relief that i felt when i heard my mum's nagging tone when she entered the apartment.

SATURDAY:

* went to St. Luke's to get a check up.
* met up with my Bes to have dinner and played billiards. ^_^ had oodles of fun even if i wanted to cry everytime i bent over the pool table. a funny thing happened... maybe it was because i was soooo doped up on my meds, but i actually allowed him to pay for dinner... (something that i absolutely hate...) in turn i was the one who paid for our game ^_^
* this day was also a day of shockers. i actually VOLUNTEERED information about my life! *gasp* heeheehee... i dunno... i (think) i promised Bes that i would tell him so i spilled the beans about Carlo. howell...
* i actually missed talking to my Bes about stuff.. the last time that we spent time (as in SPENT TIME TOGETHER) was the day we became bessies. well actually he was the one who adopted me as his Bes... but i didnt mind. Dunno why he wanted me as a Bes tho... i just listened. i didnt do nothing special... but im happy that somebody wanted to have me as a friend. ^_^
* as of press time (hahahah) i havent slept worth mentioning. im all doped up and running on a sugar high. its actually ok with me because certain sacrifices must be made to take care of friendships.

so there... (--;)

The Day You Went Away

Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind? Hey, I was only ever running back to your side, I never cried, I just watched my life go by It's just a pack of lies,' cause you're leaving me behind Why, after this long is there nothing I'll keep, oh, I can shout you'll pretend you're falling asleep I live a lie, yeah, believing that you're mine It's just a waste of time 'cause you're leaving me behind Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky It's as blue as your goodbye and I thought that it would rain on a day like today Hey, there's not a cloud in sight it's as blue as your blue goodbye and I thought that it would rain the day you went away Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind? I was only ever running back to your side Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky it's as blue as your goodbye and I thought that it would rain on a day like today Hey, there's not a cloud in sight it's as blue as your blue goodbye and I thought that it would rain the day you went away He's on the buses, and the aeroplanes with some groceries and a sleeping bag...

oOo

I miss you Joash.. :`(

The Truth Is...

Human Love Fails

Human love fails…for where there were promises they fade as dust into the air…when the need to find love and understanding arise; human love is nowhere to be found. Instead, in the busy world where we all chase our dreams, human love dies. It is trampled by the stampede of the rushing dreams going about to and from our lives.Human love is warm and sweet while said. Tender as a hug wrapping its arms around you.

It presents an assuring protection and vows accountability. The love of man indeed touches the heart in an endearing manner such that it closes all wounds and breaks down the walls that we sometimes build around ourselves. It only closes the wounds but not completely heal it.Human love more often comes in the guise of friends. It may promise companionship and support, or a shoulder to lean on when things go a bit shaky but at most times, it lets you down. Human love is incomplete. At many times it will not forgive you when you err, it will leave you behind alone and afraid. And when you fail, human love assumes another form…it suddenly transforms into scorn looking you in the eye with a piercing condemnation and indifference. Human love changes, it waxes cold in time.

Therefore human love can never be trusted. It is like a dream that we can never touch, it disappears when we awake. It doesn’t know how to walk with you, it always moves in its own pace. Human love does not stop and wait for you to catch up. This love is also deaf; may only hear you but not totally listen. It is mute, it doesn’t answer when you call. Mostly, human love doesn’t stay; it flies like a balloon. It has a weak will to fight for you. At most times, it only wants to be loved. Human love maybe selfish sometimes. Having the form of water in our hands, human love slips through the spaces of our fingers like it does on the gaps of our lives.Human love lacks, it errs. Moreover, it dies and leaves us broken.

Human love fails…

Im only human sweetie...

Walang Magawa

* loving someone who doesn't love you is like watching a star you know you can never reach, but you just have to keep on trying. why not? stars can fall right?

* What if a bird fell inlove with a fish? Where would they live? Who keeps the fins, and who loses its wings? It's an irony But that's how poetic yet cruel love can be

* love may take long...but it will always take you to where you belong. enjoy the journey, no need to hurry. coz ur heart will know..when it's finally home..

* if you want to catch a butterfly, don't run after it..sit down and open ur hand, it will just land on your palm when it needs to rest..that's the way to find love.

* Don’t catch butterflies with a net. Wait patiently for it. If youre lucky enough to have one, hold it in a way it could freely spread its wings. No matter how you want to keep 'em on your hand, you cant. Butterflies have wings, they need to fly.

oOo

"Sweetie, I know what your heart is capable of. It can cling to a misty memory, but it cannot return a love like mine. I am tired of it."

oOo


1.baket ang babae ang dame tanong?
* coz we're naturally inquisitive...

2. ano pinag-uusapan niyo sa loob ng comfort room?
* natatae na kami or why our dates/bf/S.O/etc are like that... etc

3. ano meron sa kikay bag?
* ay wala ako nyan

4. nakapasok na ba kayo sa guy's cr?
* oo naman... lalaki kasi ako pag -patak ng hatinggabi.

5. pumupunta lang ba kayo sa starbucks
* huh? i dont get this.. pero yeah.. tambay ako sa Sbux

6. hindi ba kayo nagsasawa sa "iced tea?"
* sawang sawa na.. hot tea na iniinom ko

7. ano feeling ng tinititigan kayo?
* feeling ko may mali sakin pag ganun

8. eh yung may ibang klaseng titig?
* titignan ko ren sila ng ibang klase.. yung tipong duling.. hwekhwekhwek

9. do you really keep "secrets"?
* i do.. ask Dodie

10. baket galet kayo kay kris aquino?
* miju annoying kasi sya... epitome of a "collegiala" na hindi na tumanda

11. baket gustong-gusto niyo yung "a walk toremember?"
* beautiful story

12. baket pag-sinabe namin maganda ang isang gurl, either bola or bola lang yun..
* coz GIRLS are weaned to have low self esteem,WOMEN on the other hand accept compliments

13. baket pag tumingin kame sa emailed nude pics, malaswa na kame?
* er.. depende sa nude pics yun, kung galing sa pornsite malaswa.. pero kung galing sa Art sites..keri lang

14. ano pa ba?
* ano pa nga ba?

15. baket mataray kayo minsan?
* kasi minsan ang hina nyo pumick-up.. bagal kasi processor nyo

16. baket kayo nagpupuyat?
* ikaw ba di ka nag pupuyat?

17. ano gusto niyo sagot ng guy pag tinatanong niyo kung "payat ba or tumaba ako"?
* you're perfect the way you are... ^_^ bwahahahaha...

18. a. bakit ang tagal ng mga babae kapag pumupunta sa banyo?
* kasi mahaba pila...

18 b. bakit kelangan na in groups?
* eh ganun tlga.. kelangan namin kayong pagusapan eh..

19. bakit mahilig kayo sa pink?
* i abhor pink... purple ako eh

20. bakit ang hilig tumili ng mga gurls?
* ay hindi ako marunong tumili... malakas ako sumigaw...

21. bakit kayo moody?
* kasi we're not emotionally constipated.. unlike boys.. hahaha... joke!

19. bakit kayo nangungurot! masakit yun!
* mas masakit kaya pag nasuntok

20.bakit mahilig kayo magpalibre..
* ay.. hindi ako ganun.. hehe...

21. ano ang definition niyo ng "makulet"?
* pag nonsensical na yung tanong, ulit ulit pa tatanungin...

22. aminin niyo kayo nag-pauso ng "me" natext lingo?
* hindi ah.. women are more articulate.. baka kayoang nag pauso nyan

23. sama mo na rin *** "smiles" na letter u
* asa german alphabet yun... uso na yun noon pa...

24. tsaka :hmp:? kayo ngpauso nun ryt?
* emotion yun...

25. hindi talaga kayo nagsasawa sa icedtea? prOmisE??
* hangkulet naman...

26. kayo lang ba may karapatan gumamit ng lip balm?
* hindi naman... metrosexuals and gays use it too...

27. mabango ba talaga ang clinique happy?
* sobra!!! pero mas mabango pa rin para sakin angIssey Miyake for Men.. kahit ganu ka
panget yung guy.. basta yun ang perfume... *sigh* sarap halikan..

28. do you really keep secrets?
* oo nga

29. baket defensive kayo madalas.
* hindi kami yun.. kayo yun.. takes one to know one dearie...

30. ano ibig sabihin ng "di masyadoh" (honest answers pls.)
* ibig sabihin non either yes.. or "YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT I MEAN.."

oOo

Ten Random Things About Me:
01.I love reading books
02.I dont like pets (i cant even take care of myself)
03.I love my long nails
04.I love blue roses
05.I love pasta
06.I'm a part time alcoholic
07.I love writing
08.I'm doing this in the office
09.I pimp for XBOX
10.Im wearing wedge sandals right now

Nine Ways to My Heart:
01.Initiate the texting
02.Must be Articulate and witty
03.Talk to my dad
04.Listen to my rants and raves
05.When I'm hurting and crying, just hug me
06.Say you're just there and mean it
07.Tell me you want to see me
08.Make an effort to look good when we see eachother
09.Call me

Eight Things I Wanna Do Before I Die:
01.Become a lawyer
02.skydive
03.Make sure that my dad's living comfortably and is not alone
04. Tour Europe
05.Become a supermodel
06.Contribute something significant for the environment
07.Have the most wonderful of husbands
08.Have kids who could already stand on their own

Seven Things that Annoy Me:
01.backstabbers
02.close-mindedness0
3.crab mentality
04.lies
05.people who stop in the middle of the road while walking... then you bump into them
06.quitters
07.people who arent sincere

Six Things I Wish for:
01. money (nagpapakatotoo lang)
02. good health for me
03. good health for dad
04. good career
05. love
06. my own business

Five Things I'm Afraid of:
01. dying without being able to achieve anything or achieveing anything that i can be proud of
02. rejection
03. betrayal
04. people finding out that im a weak person
05. dying alone

Four of My Favorite Songs:
01. Wind Beneath my Wings - Bette Midler (corny ko noh?)
02. The Last Time - Eric Benett (my wedding song.. i want Dodie to sing this sa Wedding March ko.. hwehwehwe)
03. Runaway - The Corrs
04. The Way You Look Tonight

Three Things I Do Everyday:
01. work
02. sleep
03. eat / drink

Two things that make you happy (either superficial or not)
01. Family/Friends
02. Cheeseburger from McDonalds

One Person You Want to See Right Now:
01. si... *sigh*

oOo

The Vampyre Sofya

Into the Abyss I'll fall - the eye of Horus

Into the eyes of the night - watching me go

Green is the cat's eye that glows -in the Temple

Enter the risen Osiris - risen again.

Tell me why I had to be a Powerslave

I don't wanna die, I'm a God,why can't I live on?

When the Life Giver dies, all around is laid waste,

And in my last hour,

I'm a Slave to the Power of Death.

When I was living this lie - Fear was my Game

People would worship and fall -drop to their knees.

So bring me the blood and red wine for the one to succeed me,

For he is a man and a God -and He will die too.

Now I am cold but a ghost lives in my veins,

Silent the terror that reigned -marbled in stone

Shell of man God preserved -a thousand ages,

But open the gates of my hell -I will strike from the grave

The Screaming Queen...

"The chances are that you have already have come to believe that happiness is unattainable. But men have attained it. And they have attained it by realizing that happiness does not spring from the procuring of physical or mental pleasure, but from the development of reason and the adjustment of conduct to principles."

- How To Live on 24 Hours a Day

by Arnold Bennett

oOo

No, no, the title doesn't indicate that I just dethroned Emily Rose. I'm just pretty frustrated. I truly hate people with malicious minds. i hate assuming bastards. this is one of the reasons why i live alone. this is one of the reasons why im pretty finicky when it comes to cultivating relationships/friendships with other people.

oOo

AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

oOo

I'm actually in a relationship now that I'm not pretty exactly happy with. Its confusing me. Am really such a sucker for sob stories. He came into my life and he's like a bad habit that I can't seem to get rid of. He's not actually the reason why I'm frustrated... I'm frustrated at myself and I make myself miserable because I'm addicted to him.

I can't seem to get through a day without my "him"-fix.

*sigh*

I'm starting to hate those damn beautiful brown eyes.

Damn those eyes.

Shame on me.

oOo

possible script to deliver to him:

"hi sweetie. you know what? im getting to be a little tired of what we have. you never seem to remember me when you're not around. i never asked for anything from you. you came into my life like Hurricane Katrina. Everything is topsy turvy. Like a hurricane, you are beautiful, exciting, but extremely hazardous to the health.

Call me superficial, but aside from that beautiful mind, I'm really hooked on those goddamned beautiful brown eyes of yours, that mischievious sparkle that they have when you want to share a secret. I love that gorgeous parenthesis smile and that adorable little boy smile that you get when you're putting me on.

*deep sigh*

Would it be ok if i said goodbye? I dont know if you still need me. Its been 3(?)/4(?) months and I can safely say that you are now standing back on your own feet. You don't need me as a crutch anymore. So i guess its best if I ride off into the sunset.

Thanks Sweetie.."

Beethoven's Love Letter to His Beloved on My Birthday...

July 7, 1801

Though still in bed my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us. I can live only wholly with you or not at all—yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home, send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits.—Yes, unhappily it must be so—you will be the more resolved since you know my fidelity—to you, no one can ever again possess my heart—none—never—Oh, God! why is it necessary to part from one whom one so loves and yet my life in Vienna is now a wretched life—your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men—at my age, I need a steady, quiet life—can that be under our conditions?

My angel, I have just been told that the mail coach goes every day—and I must close at once so you may receive the L. at once. Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together—be calm—love me—today—yesterday—what tearful longings for you—you—you—my life—my all—farewell—Oh continue to love me—never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved L.

ever thine
ever mine
ever for each other

oOo

must be lovely to have someone love you with that much intensity. if i were given a chance to travel back in time i'd want to live in the Victorian era.. they maybe prissy, but they sure know how to make love letters during that time...

am such a sucker for love letters or letters in general.

im a person of words kasi. its hard for me to express how i feel through actions... mas intense kasi when i write it down... dunno... i feel as if the feeling is more tangible when its in words... weird ba?

*sigh*

oOo

in a few hours its gonna be my birthday... looking back.. i have a lot to celebrate for on my birthday coz the past year... was an annus terrificus...

things/events that i am totally grateful for that ive got (circa july 7, 2005-2006)

* N6680
* kickass teevee
* a family that supports me in all my endeavors...
* good health
* my mom getting through a car accident (head on collision) relatively unscathed
* my dad being here for me... even if he doesnt live with the family anymore
* a job that i relatively like
* finding a best friend in the most unexpected place at the most unexpected time
* being accepted into the law review board
* Robbie coming home for my birthday :'(
* wonderful friends from NSG
* being accepted in the the tight knit circle of the DSIG
* having a blog where i can rant all i want without anyone caring
* Starbucks ELJCC + Grande Caramel Macchiatos = happy Jenn
* my goofy :lovesigh:

dami pa eh... i just cant remember it all... i'll just update this as the day progresses ^_^

so there...

swiped

I wrote this letter for the very reason that I promised myself that somehow, in someway, one day, I am going to let you know how much love is within me. I guess I am not going to let the chance go by. I want you to understand how I feel, and I have no intention of making you feel the way I do. Let me start off by saying that the best way to anything or anyone is being able to let go. Some say that holding on will prove true love; I say if you really love someone, learn to say goodbye.

After the dreadful night of our concluded relationship, I was never myself. I try to be the friendly and cheerful everyone knows, but deep inside me was nothing of that kind. My friends, maybe our friends, said that they admire me for being strong and courageous, but little do they know that everything was all pretenses and disguises. Underneath me was a torn, shattered and very broken heart. Every night I blame the world and never get tired of it. Seeing your face was a lot torture than a thousand knives stabbed in a man’s body. The bleeding will take the life out of you in a few minutes, but with the kind of torture your face brings me, it wounds you slowly, letting you feel every bit of the sweet torment and piercing agony.

It cuts me into small pieces. And whenever I look into your eyes and beyond it, I shiver helplessly. Adding to the sorrow was the fact that I no longer see me in them. As if it will see no ending. It’s really been a hell of a time for me to get over the feel of your touch, the warmth of your lips, the gentleness of your embrace, the comfort of your words, the melody of our song, the world we called ours. Maybe the reason is I dont really want to get over them. I intended to keep them locked inside my heart as I have kept you there too.

I NEVER WANT TO FORGET YOU.

They say that forgetting someone means you loved that someone. I merely wanted to clear my mind for the meantime that I may stop hoping and waiting for all the things that could have been. It saddens me so much that I didnt get the chance to tell you everything I wanted you to know (it’s mostly about a world im in and how much you are apart of that world). If I only knew that I had less than two months with you, I would have never left your side, every single day and night. I would have chained you close to me and have never let you go. I would have told you I LOVE YOU over and over again, until I have no voice left to say any word (but even as I may have lost my voice, silence will speak for me).

If only I had all the time in the world, I would spend them beside you - loving you. But then again, you have left me with a grateful heart for all the things big and small, they all made me love you even more. Just by remembering, the wonderful memories will surely calm my being in times of restlessness and sadness. Even as the hurt and lonely feelings will mock and haunt me forever.I know love shall rule over them. Moreover, you have made a stronger, better and more loving person out of me. My love has ended as you say goodbye, but I still have my faith to lose, and I know a new life awaits me. It was so hard at first, to admit the fact that your love has died. It made me think if you even loved me at all. You cant blame me for this sick and selfish thought. You told me you loved me. This moment proves otherwise. I cant help but think if you’ve truly been in love, you wouldn’t have left me like this. But I too, can never blame you for everything that has happened. I accept love for all its mysteries. All I know is that you made me feel the extremities of its ways.

WHERE THERE IS LOVE, PAIN AND HURT LIES, BUT AS ONE LOVES, THERE IS NEITHER PAIN NOR HURT; ONLY MORE LOVE.

For the longest time, I hoped for the miracle of you coming back to me (I never stopped hoping up to this very minute). Eventually, I realized that there are things that are meant to be and even as I do my very best to win you back, I would never have your love back. It’s not because I have no power over love, over you. Let me tell you one thing before you close your doors to me.

IF EVER YOU FIND YOURSELF INLOVE WITH SOMEONE NEW, JUST MAKE SURE HE LOVES YOU THE WAY I DO AND EVEN MORE. Please know that I long for your happiness. Bear in mind that THE WAY TO LOVE IS TO REALIZE THAT IT MIGHT BE LOST (I learned that because I lost you). Learn to accept it and learn not to let every opportunity to be with him to pass you by. Love him completely as you would want to be loved. I know now that I could die a thousand deaths. I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH. Letting go is just another way of putting it. GOODBYE. But its not forever; its just for now. I just hope we could still be good friends. Maybe that’s what we ought to be the first time around. I am not bemoaning for what I lost, im so grateful for what remains.

...

:'(

*sigh*

i need a lobotomy

wow. im messed up. the closer my birthday comes, the weirder i am.

i had a conversation with my dad... its was sort of an "evaluation" kind of conversation.

here's the long and short of it...

my dad says that i am to independent for my own good. i should learn how to ask for help. i should learn to accept that people have to help me. i should learn how to open up. being independent isnt really that good.

when my dad told me that.. i felt as if my stomach fell out of my butt..

i need a lobotomy.

i need to go to a rehab center. they should teach me that i need to have help.

its so hard for me to lean on people.

i need a lot of things.

im crazy.

i need help.

:~(

oOo

most people ask how come im pretty perceptive on what they want as gifts.. well my technique with that is to pick up either on verbal cues or i just observe what they want. if they seem to like sports then i try to get them something in relation to their favorite sport. if theyre like me, a reader, then id probe for their favorite author. if they have a favorite color, then id buy them something in that color.

its pretty easy actually... thats why i wonder why most people dont have this same technique...

so there.

the seven deadly sins

PRIDE:

proud of who i am
up the ladder i have gone
why melancholic?

LUST:

lips as soft as down
burn me o' consuming fire
lave me with your tongue

COVETOUSNESS:

her brand is on you
your deep love, for her to keep
wishing i was her

ANGER:

i cannot have you
abhor the circumstances
not destined to be

ENVY:

too green with envy
devoting your time to her
she's not deserving

GLUTTONY:

absolute hatred
a glutton for punishment
i'm such a loser

SLOTH:

come Death, come to me
smite me with your scythe o Dark One
welcome you I do.

oOo

i am extremely frustrated right now. i just want to scream my lungs out. i want to keep on screaming until my throat hurts and my head throbs or till i cough an internal organ out.. whichever comes first.

oOo

RANTS:

i just need to get this off my chest... it really doesnt mean anything... its just the feeling that i have now... bato bato na lang po sa langit.

* dont you just hate it when you send a person an SMS and they do not answer? even if you know that they have load?

* why cant i shake this feeling off? i dont know if you're sincere. its actually driving me nuts. its so hard for me to figure you out.. there are days that you're like super nice... and there are days that you act as if i dont exist.

* i know that i have to change... but how come there are people that find it weird that i dont like being 'treated' to stuff. (pardon the inappropriate term, im kinda sleepy and my brain isn't functioning properly) i love doting on people, but i dont like being doted on. according to one friend that actually REPRIMANDED me.. he told me that he gets offended with what i do. he told me that friendship is a two-way street. and with the way things are going... im like making it one way. all from me and none from him. when i do things for people, i dont expect anything in return for it. so i feel awkward when they try to do something for me. i feel more comfortable with the "pay-back" if i ask for their help. (did that make sense?) *sigh*

* dont make me feel as if i owe you anything ok? coz i dont. i didnt want to be your friend in the first place. you didnt exist in my world... til you came up and introduced yourself..

~A GREAT BIG YAWP~