the aftermath

It was shaping up to be a really bad day for her. As she was walking back to her office after a horrendous meeting, she heard a song playing in the operations area...

"I'll be there for you when the sky falls down
I'll be there for you when no one's around
I'll be there for you when there's no way out and you're down
and you frown

I know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more

I'll be there for you through your deepest fears
I'll be there for you 'till the smoke clears
I'll be there for you when you see no end and your friends
are all gone

I know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more

You could turn your back or run a thousand miles away
I'll be waiting for you with nothing left to say but

I'll be there for you when nothing can go wrong
I'll be there for you when you sing a joyful song
I'll be there for you when your smile lights the room
and your gloom is all gone

I know life won't go your way
and you never know what to say
when you have nothing left
I'll still love you more "

Then it her like a fist, they weren't friends anymore. Her ears started heating up and she knew that she was about to cry. She always presented a strong front but whenever emotions like these hit her at unexpected times she had to cry it out to cope. The washroom seemed like a football field away so she hid in the next best thing: the storage closet.

As soon as the door closed, she slumped to the floor and started to gasp and sob. Tears streamed down her cheeks like a warm cleansing shower. Halfway through her crying jag she heard the storeroom door open...

" Okay lang po kayo ma'am?"

She looks up and sees Arnold, the Janitor. Still hiccuping and sobbing she stammered: "Okay lang po ako kuya..."

"Ma'am wag po kayo mag alala... Maaayos din po yan. Lahat naman po ng problema me solusyon. Kung hindi nyo naman po kaya na, hindi naman po mahirap humingi ng tulong sa iba para damayan nila kayo. Sige po una na ako. Tahan na po kayo" with that Arnold grabbed several packs of paper towels and stepped out of the storeroom.

She sat there and thought things over and cried a little more. She leaned her forehead to her knees and waited for the hiccups to subside. In the quiet storeroom, she heard the song playing in operations..

"...But love it washes over
Love it pulls me closer
Love it changes everything

Everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Sweetly, You release me
From the weight of what I've done
The trigger trips the hammer
But the bullets never come..."

A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, it was as if someone was playing the OST of Smallville. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall, taking small pleasure in the relative peace and quiet in the room. Bracing herself for another day to live through with that gaping hole in her chest. A hole that threatened to suck her into an emotional abyss. An abyss of pain and nothingness.

rehashing meandering thoughts...

The more we grow older, the lesser we care about what people think because we have developed our wings. We are no longer caterpillars confined to the ground. We have undergone the excruciating process of metamorphosis. With our new wings, they will enable us to fly and soar to the great unkown– to breakaway from the chains that used to bind us.

Forget growing pains.

There is still today and tomorrow and many more days after that to do what we want to do.

The most important thing to remember during our future flights is to stay grounded just in case we fly too high.

a Conversation with The Dreamer

He was in a 24 hour coffee shop in Makati waiting for her to get out of the office. As he waits for her, he lights up a cigarette, takes a deep drag and let the nicotine flow through his system to calm him down. He exhales deeply and grabs his mobile phone to text her.

Two hours passed and he was still alone in the coffee shop. Anger simmering beneath his calm exterior. He was controlling his anger because he knew that once she sinks her teeth into a project, she never lets go until its finished. He grabs his bag from the chair beside him and paws through the bag looking for his PSP. He takes it out and plugs the headset, passing the time through music.

He didnt notice how much time had passed; then he saw a shadow fall across his table.He looks up and sees her huge dimpled grin. As she was about to sit he stands up abruptly from his chair, grabs his bag and walks to his car.

He heard he run after him and when they both reached his car, he gently places his bag on the hood and looks at her.

"What is wrong with you?!" she whispers furiously at him. Her faced reflecting amazement and anger. He knew she hated public confrontations, thus the whispered statement.

He just looks at her and again lights a cigarette. He felt her eyes throwing icy daggers at him and he knew that if looks could kill he would have been dead on the spot, but he was amazed when she spoke again, it was in an even tone.

"I dont know whats going on with you. Im tired and if youre going to sulk, I'll just take a cab home." Then she started to walk away.

He took two quick steps and firmly grabbed her forearm and told her to get in the car. Again, he was surprised when she acquiesced. She must be really tired, he thought.

When they were both in the car, he just sat there and gripped the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles stand out white. He looked over at her and saw that her eyes were already closed.

"How many hours have you been at the office?" he asks her.

Her eyes open and blearily focused on him.

"Been there for like 15 hrs" she says sleepily.

"Why do you do that," he asks.

"Stay at the office ng matagal?"

"Yeah"

"Coz I have a lot of other things to do. Saka naghahanap ako ng cute." she answers fliply, then yawns again; hugely.

He then pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"You really dont get it" he says softly. He looks over and saw that her eyes were closed and was breathing deeply. He leans over and touches his head to the steering wheel, closes his eyes and whispers.

"I have loved you since we were kids. I started loving you when you outscreamed that bully Michelle." he laughs softly at this thought.

"I wait patiently everyday for you to realize that, but you only see what you want to see and maybe I am tired of waiting. For someone so smart you can really be dumb sometimes. Why do I wait for you at the oddest hours of the day to pick you up from the office? Doesnt it ever cross your mind why I do a lot of things for you? Dont you ever wonder why our families always ask why arent we together as a couple even if we tell them that we're just the best of friends? Maybe its because they see it in my eyes. I guess you think I have loved other women. I guess I did too... but no one ever really sufficed. Its just you. I love you everyday, I ---"

The silence in the car made him sit up and look at her. Her brown eyes huge with shock. Tinges of anger and pain chased one after the other on her pale face. He winced at that look.

"Please take me home..." she says softly then hugged her bag closer to herself.

He tried to say something but his mind went blank, so he just started the car and drove her home. An awkward air filled the silence on the drive back to her place. They were only a block away from her place when he heard her say "Im sorry I hurt you, but I cant love you back the way you expect me to."

He didnt respond to that whispered statement. As he drove he felt like it was the longest block that he had to drive. They then arrived at her place. He parked the car and then turned off the engine.

"So you cant love me, but you loved that freakin gay guy and even ---" he shouted at her but stopped when he saw the color draining from her face. Her normally pale face turned white as a sheet. "Thanks for bringing me home." she says and then steps out of the car.

The soft thud of the door against the frame felt like a punch to the solar plexus. He couldnt breathe. He didnt know how long he stayed like that, until he felt his mobile phone vibrate. He took it out of his pocket and saw that she sent him a message.

"Im sorry, but I dont think we can be friends anymore."

Scenes from a Memory

The humid night air brushed her cheeks while she was slowly walking back to her office. Her slow steps barely made a sound on the concrete pathway. She was lost in thought. As she looked up, the lights from the buildings brought back a fond memory from her Singapore vacation.

***

‘That was a good book,’ she thought as she closed the book that she just finished reading; it was “Immortality” by Milan Kundera. As usual, after reading a Kundera masterpiece, it made her think about how and where her life was headed. About why is there a difference between the individual self and an individual’s public image; why is there a conflict between reality and appearance and why is there an all too human longing for immortality? As she pondered about this, she took a sip from her now cold hazelnut latte and gazed out onto the Marina Bay skyline.

A huge skeleton wheel was being constructed across the bay and according to her expat friends, that wheel was soon to become the Singapore Flyer; a giant ferris wheel, or to be technologically correct; a giant observation wheel, something like the London Eye. To the left; was the Esplanade Mall (which reminded her of a giant durian) the unique structure was strategically lit to showcase its one-of-a-kind architecture and to the leftmost part of her eye scope was the Merlion Park. For reasons unknown to her, the sound of the water gushing out of the merlion and the Mediterranean blue “water” under the statue soothed her.

Deep in thought, she didn’t notice that her mobile phone was vibrating; it was only when she put down her mug that she noticed that someone tried to reach her. She checked her mobile and saw that it was Chris; a classmate from highschool who presently worked in Singapore as an in-house events coordinator for Credit Suisse. She sent him a text message saying that she currently was in the Starbucks in front of the Fullerton Hotel.

After 10 minutes she saw Chris walking towards her. She had to stifle a giggle because every time she would see him, she would be reminded of this Asian actor – Edison Chen. Chris and the actor looked alike, just like the way Brad Pitt looks like a young Robert Redford. The difference between Edison Chen and Chris was that Chris was deeply tanned. Chris was in his usual business casual attire, but on him, it really didn’t seem casual. Draped on his tall, tanned and almost lanky frame was a black long sleeved polo shirt (which he accessorized with a piano key designed skinny tie) a handsome black belt with a gorgeous silver buckle, black slacks and white suede Gucci loafers.

They had dinner at Saint Julien; a French restaurant whose mission was to recreate the ‘bourgeois’ cuisine reminiscent of Paris several decades ago. They reminisced about how horrible their highschool life was and laughed at the times where they were sent to the principal’s office for their shenanigans. In the middle of dinner her phone started vibrating and she saw that it was her friend Huck. When she answered, he was asking where she was and if she was interested to have dinner with him since he just got out of the office. She told him that she was at home and already ate dinner, but maybe they could have dinner over the weekend or have coffee.

When dinner was over, she and Chris walked off the sumptuous dinner that they had. They walked hand in hand while talking. He was laughing at her because she nearly tripped a couple of times because she was staring at the buildings instead of looking at where she was walking. The tall buildings, bright lights and the people bustling about even late at night reminded her of home. In their mindless wandering, they ended up on Orchard Road and suddenly she found herself looking at Huck who was reading in one of the coffee shops that dotted the street. She rolled her eyes consternation; thought ‘jeez this country is really small,’ then sent a quick prayer to God asking for him not to notice her and Chris. Happily someone up there did listen and they got past without him noticing.

As they walked home, the smell of rain permeated the air and thunder started to rumble from above, it was a good thing that they were only a few blocks away from her condo. They were already at the park near her condo complex when the rain started to pour. They couldn’t run for it because Chris didn’t want to get his laptop wet; which incidentally was in a Hermes piano man bag, so they decided to wait it out. It was a good thing that the park had a covered walkway with benches so they had a place to park their butts.

An hour had passed and the rain still hadn’t let up. She got bored and fished around her bag to grab a cigarette. She stood from the bench and walked a few steps downwind from Chris; he hated the smell of cigarettes. After she lit up Chris said loudly: “Why don’t you quit smoking? Don’t make me go there and put that out.” She arched an eyebrow at him and took a long drag. As she exhaled, he stood up from the bench and started to approach her. She took a one step back for every step that he took towards her, next thing she knows they were running around the park laughing their hearts out. When they got back to the bench where they left their things, she saw that she was still holding a soggy cigarette butt in her right hand; which started another round of laughter.

A cold breeze started to blow which made them shudder in their wet clothes. She told him that she can run up to her condo and grab some umbrellas so that their things wouldn’t get wet. He agreed to this while grimacing and looking at his soggy socks. Of course he was in socks; you wouldn’t want to ruin a pair of Gucci shoes… not even for a childhood friend. Hahahahaha~

They got back to the condo without any other crazy incidents, dried themselves and plopped down on the couch to channel surf.

***

She entered the building where her office was located, a smile lurking at the corners of her lips as she reminisced about the rest of that memory.

Nothing New

I can hear you staring.

He then opened his eyes and gave her his trademark bedimpled parenthesis grin.

She laughed.

“Why are you staring?” he asks.

“Nothing. I was just thinking.” She says.

“Well don’t think so loud, you’re disturbing my sleep.” He says while pulling up the covers that were down to his waist then closes his eyes once again.

She then gets up from bed and goes out of the room to her pint sized kitchen to grab some coffee. While in the kitchen, her mobile phone started to vibrate; indicating that she had an incoming call. She took a look at the screen and saw to her utter surprise and slight tinge of anger, it was Finn.

She ended the call as soon as she could and then went back to her room and took a cigarette from her bag. She glanced over to the bed and saw that he was still asleep. This brought a smile to her face. He always slept in during the weekends and tried to sleep in during the weekdays. He believed that mornings were meant to be greeted with eyes tight shut. That thought accompanied her as she went back to the kitchen.

She turned on the exhaust fan just above her kitchen sink and lit up her cigarette. She rarely smoked at home, but today was an exception. The call from Finn angered her. Taking a deep drag from her cigarette she began to replay the conversation in her head. It really irritated her that Finn had the gall to call her and act as if nothing happened; as if they never had that falling out. She was pondering deeply upon those preposterous thoughts that she didn’t hear him walk over and jumped a foot high when he grabbed the coffee filled mug from her hand.

He was pleasantly rumpled from bed and giving her a grumpy grin. “Why are you muttering here by the sink? It’s too early for that.” He says after taking a huge gulp of the slowly warming coffee.

“Nothing.” She says while again taking a deep drag from her cigarette and blowing the smoke out directly to his face.

He waved his hand in front of his face and stuck a tongue out at her. “That nothing seems to be making you grumpy. If you don’t feel like talking about it, no skin off my nose. Am heading back to bed.”

She still kept silent.

“By the way, lets pass by Auntie Mia’s later. I promised that I would pass by when I had the time.” He says over his shoulder while walking back to the room.

“I cant join you. I have a meeting later in Makati.” She says.

“Lets visit when you finish. Aunt Mia misses you too.”

She was about to respond when he shut the door to the room.

She finished her cigarette and put it out on the sink, then went to do the millions of mundane chores that she had to do during the weekends.

It was two in the afternoon when she was able to finish her chores. She had done her laundry, mopped the floors, cooked lunch, vacuumed the carpet, and changed the curtains and dinning table’s cover. Vacuuming the carpet lifted up her spirits just a little because she knew that the noise annoyed him.

When she went back to her room, she saw that he was still sleeping and snoring soundly. So she tiptoed on the carpeted floor and stood beside him; bent down and pinched his nose shut. His mouth opened and that’s where he started breathing. She covered his mouth with her other hand on the hopes of waking him up. She had to laugh out loud because when she covered his mouth it seemed like his ears started squeaking. He was still asleep after she laughed her heart out, so she shook him awake and told him to eat lunch so that they could get a move on.

After her meeting in Makati, (which really ticked her off just a bit. Imagine going to the office on a weekend AND her day off) they headed to Parañaque to visit Japeth’s Aunt Mia.

It was Aunt Mia who opened the door. Upon seeing her and Jap, she gave him a tigh warm hug and then turned to her. His Aunt placed her long fingered hands on her shoulders, drew her in and hugged her too. “Now everything is alright.” His aunt said softly.

His aunt led them into the dining room. Her soft soled shoes padded quietly on the marble tile covered floor, while Jap’s and her sneakers squeaked loudly on the floor.

As the usual with relatives, his aunt asked if why they weren’t married yet, with the usual spiel of ‘you both aren’t getting any younger, you’re both financially viable, you’re not bad looking.. blah blah blah…’ They both just shook their head and grinned. Aunt Mia never could understand that they were just bestfriends.

On their way home, he asked her again…

“Why aren’t you my girlfriend anyway?”

“I’m not your girlfriend because its pretty gross to think that we’ve been friends since we were kids and it seems very incestuous if we did end up in a relationship together.”

“But we have chemistry…”

“I don’t care if we have chemistry or algebra or biology - ” she wasn’t able to complete her statement because she was laughing pretty hard.

He stuck his tongue out at her and gave her a funny face.

She was still giggling when she said “You always ask me that question whenever we meet your relatives… mine too…”

“Because I keep on wondering maybe we are for each other,” he says a little quietly.

“Look,” she says, “lets just make a deal, if by 40 and we’re still single or otherwise unattached, then that’s the time we think things over.”

She saw his beautiful brown eyes crinkle at the corners and get that mischievous glint.

“But I want to have kids!” he says with a laugh lurking in his voice.

“We can always adopt.”

“You know what, nevermind this redundant conversation. Lets just go get a drink. You’ve been sober since June.” He says while chuckling. “You’re just too logical for my taste.”

She smiles widely and says, “Now that’s a good idea”

back in business

its been awhile since i got back online. been pretty busy with work and other stuff in my life. anyway... i'll be back to blogging sometime this week. i have a lot of things to share... hehehehe

all i can say right now is im just glad to be back~

my personality

Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP)

Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant.

Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/

Pasyensya Na...

Pasensya na
kung hindi kita pinapansin
nitong mga nakalipas na araw.

Pasensya na
kung d kita tinitingnan man lang
pag nagkakasalubong tayo sa daan.

Pasensya na
kung parang kaluluwa ang kaharap ko
sa tuwing nagkakatapat tayo.

Pasensya na
kung hindi ko natupad ang pangako ko
na manatiling kaibigan mo
sa habang buhay.

Hindi ko kasi inakala
na magiging ganito kasakit,
ang makita kayong magkasama muli.

Pasensya na
kung tila binasura ko na
ang lahat ng ala-ala nating dalawa.

Pasensya na
kung wala na akong ginagawa
para masagip pa
ang ating pinagsamahan.

Pasensya na talaga.

Yan lang kasi
ang paraan na alam ko
upang makalimutan ka na
ng tuluyan.

sa susunod na magkasalubong tayo
dedmahin mo nalang ako
parang hangin na dumaan
na walang naging silbi,
walang naging saysay,
at d naging bahagi
ng buhay mo.

at kung sa susunod pang muli
na magkita tayo
ay kinakausap na kita
at nakakangiti na ako sayo
at nakakatingin na ako
sa mga mata mo
at wala ka nang nakikitang bakas ng luha
sa mga mata ko..
asahan mong
nakalimutan na kita
at naibaon ko na
ang lahat ng ating ala-ala
nakatarangka na sa baul
na di na muling bubuksan pa.

What is friendship?

friendship for me is taking extra special care of people that aren't part of your immediate family.

im just pretty sad now coz i know i may have been pretty heavy handed with my being a mother hen, but if you dont like it, then why not just say it up front. dont snipe behind my back.

my heart is a little bruised right now because people make me feel bad about me caring about them. i admit that i am a little heavy handed about it... but please, if you really dont appreciate it, then say it to my face.

thank you.

hiding inside myself

“Honorable retreats are no ways inferior to brave charges, as having less fortune, more of discipline, and as much valor.”

-William Orville Douglas-

a lot of shiite has happened in the past few days. i am battered, bruised and very hurt. i guess i never learn. be too nice, you get abused. be strict then you're a bad guy. its very tricky to find the middle ground. i am tired. my heart is tired of caring (for now)

people say that i care too much about what goes on around me. that i have a messiah complex. that i worry too much. why shouldn't i? they're my friends and family too. aren't you supposed to love and care and worry about them? i never get this part right. some say i play the martyr. some of you say i just love misery. maybe you're right. maybe you're wrong. right now i just want to hide in the deepest recesses of the dark and stay there till i am healed.

so while i heal myself, i am going back up my tower. i have fortified the castle walls; pulled the drawbridge up and closed all the boltholes to the keep as well. do not expect me to answer your calls or your text messages. i just need time for myself... so that i can take the next round of beating that life administers.

... oh yeah ... Finn's dad, thank you for remembering that i am afraid of the dark. you surprised me there yesterday...

This is Who I Am...

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

reveries of nothing

She stood by the window, a cup of coffee warming her chilled hands. She once again woke with a sob trapped in her throat. Her caramel colored eyes looked but never saw, they looked big and bruised on her pale skinned face.

A tear slowly slid down one cheek.

Her mother was pushing her back to being nothing. Her dreams that she worked hard to achieve taunted her.

People perceived her as a strong independent lady, little did they know that the reason why she did all of those things was because she was deathly afraid of being nothing to no one. A hard lesson learned from childhood.

She remembered. Scenes from the past flashed in her mind like a montage.

“You are just like your father; wanderlust so deep that you can’t seem to hold on to anything. You start something but you never know how to finish it. Always looking for the sunrise you haven’t seen. Always wanting more. Always looking for the next adventure. Never content with what is already there...”

“But I chose you over Dad.”

“The reason why you chose me is because we both know that you are selfish and jealous. Your father rarely takes his eyes off that woman. If you stayed with me, he would focus on you and only you in this godforsaken family. Your brothers never loved your father. Only you and I did, but this is what we get in return. You and I both know that. You will never amount to anything. You are never good enough… will NEVER be good enough. You are your father’s daughter. ”

Her reverie was broken when she heard her mobile phone chirping. She wiped at the lone tear that left a trail down her cheek and picked up her mobile phone.

It was Finn.

Tagal mo naman gumising.

A smile teased the corners of her mouth. She shot him back an SMS.

Kanina pa po ako gising. Nagkakape lang. Breakfast ka na po?

While waiting for Finn to respond, she sits on her bed and turns on her laptop. As soon as she logged on to the internet her MSN Messenger pops up with a message from Finn.

Oi.

She replies back.

Weh.

She laughs for the first time that day. They would always start the conversation in that way. He reminded her of the man from her yesterday. They were both kind and smart men. They made her laugh. They made her day. The only difference was that she and Finn were friends. Good friends.

Oi. Biarbi. Meeting daw kami. Ttyl.

Left alone in cyberspace, she decided to browse through her picture files. Savoring memories of days passed.

Rifling through her files, she saw a picture of them together. Laughing. Teasing. Individual pictures. Pictures with their friends. A picture of him and his bestfriend. Remembered the last conversation that they had before he went back abroad and disappeared from her life again.

They were in Starbucks. The one in Malate.

He just finished taking a drag from his lit cigarette. “I do that – spoil things. I don’t do it on purpose. I don’t like hurting you on purpose. I don’t have the words like you do. I don’t have them, the kind you say to me – or even think, and I see you thinking them and it – my heart just stops. Most of our friends think I’m a selfish, self centered bastard.”

“Do you think loving you to excess is easy for me? I love you but we’re just supposed to be friends. I’m dealing with it. It’s my problem. I’m not forcing you into a relationship…” she says a little too quietly.

“No you aren’t. I think it should be impossible, don’t get mad... Not yet. Let me finish.”

“Then make it good. Because I am so damn sick of having to justify my feelings to the person who owns them.” She says irritably.

“I can’t keep my balance. I get it and I cruise along for awhile, realizing this is who I am now, who we are now. And then sometimes, I just look at you and stumble. And I can’t get my breath because all these feelings just rear up and grab me by the throat. I don’t know what to do about it. How to handle it. I think: “I’ve known her for less than a year. Been friends with her for less than a year and there are times that she walks into the room and stops my heart.”

He took a breath and mashes his face wearily on his palms.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. In my life. You’re what matters most. But right now I am scared of ruining this for you. For us. I’m not ready for a commitment yet. Please try to understand.”

Bittersweet. She wanted to be a cynic. She wanted to be jaded. She wanted to think “yeah right… you just like me because I buy you things. Because I lavish attention on you…” but she couldn’t. She wasn’t built that way.

She loved and lived with passion because she knew that life is too short for niceties. When you fly high, you hit the ground harder than most. She took risks that “normal” people wouldn’t take because she didn’t want to live her life with regrets and what-ifs. Something that her mother or family and some friends couldn’t understand. They think her stupid for that.

They never understood her.

She wasn’t NOTHING.

Photo Essay swiped from Marky

- answer the questions below
- do a google image search with your answer
- take a picture from the first page of results
- don't copy the answers of the person who posted this before you

1. the age you'll be on your next birthday


2. a place you'd like to travel

Amanpulo


3. your favorite place

beside my friends ^_^


4. your favorite food

PESTO



5. your favorite animal

baby penguin!!


6. your favorite color

lavender / moss green


7. first name of your significant other or crush
secret na nga lang... hahahahaha!

8. the town in which you live in:
Manila

10. your first job

sold mobile phones


11. a bad habit you have:



12. your worst fear

to be buried alive...

melancholy

she needed to take a break.

her heart. her mind. her body.

the trouble with her is that people are used to her being happy. little do they know, there are days that her happiness is just a front. right now, she knew that she wasnt naturally happy... that underneath that surging hyperactive energy, her body, her mind and her heart was a mass of desperate fatigue.

she opens her eyes to another day. the sadness clawing at her throat like razorblades. making them it tight and painful to swallow. she needed a good cry, but for some strange reason, the tears never seemed to flow.

she picks up her mobile phone and saw that Finn sent her a message. "zzzz... you still sleeping? wake up. im eating cheese combos. i'll feed you"

Finn was one of the few people that made her truly happy. so she replies "miss me already? we were just talking early this morning."

even though she was still heartsore, she gets up from bed, pads barefoot to the kitchen and brews her coffee.

she goes back to her room and sits by the window, like a cat during ancient times, she perched on her window seat and watched the people on the road scrabbling like ants. hitherto and hitherfro.

she tells herself, its no time to be blue. Finn needs you. so she takes a larger sip from her coffee cup and braces herself for the coming day.

First memory of Me...

just swiped this from Mr. Wang's blog...

so what IS your first memory of me...

the perfect fit

it was 2am and she was on her way to the far away city of Parañaque to visit one of her favorite people. upon reaching the subdivision's imposing gates, she saw his car parked by the guard house. the night watchman recognized her face as she was a semi-permanent resident in this subdivision.

she coasted her car alongside his and asked him what he was doing there. he said that he was waiting for her to arrive. she told him that he need not have dont that since she has been coming and going to this location for more than a decade. he smiled at her and said that he just wanted to be there.

they both drove over to Jericho street. Their wall was on a vacant lot on that street. after parking their respective vehicles, they headed off to their spot. she got there first, since he was lugging a smallish coleman ice chest. when he reached the top of the wall, she was already lighting up a cigarette.

she took a deep drag from the cigarette and inhaled deeply. the nicotine rushing through her veins gave a combination of a hyped up lassitude. they sat there in silence for a couple of minutes. she, waiting for him to tell her what was on his mind and he, waiting for her to ask.

she took a last drag on the cigarette and flicked the butt to the ground and started to paw through the coleman. she found sandwiches, 3 bags of chips, a couple of cans of beer and a half full bottle of vodka. she took out a can of beer and a bag of chips. after taking a swig from the beer can, they both spoke up.

"so whats up?"

they laughed.

she gestured to him so that he could go first. he looked up to the sky and started to tell her that he was feeling blue lately. feeling old. feeling unwanted. feeling lonely. feeling unloved.

she sighed and then laughed. she told him that all human beings would feel that way at least at one point in their lives. she told him that he was just feeling that way because he hasnt gotten over the whole maia issue. they dissected a lot more other things that have happened in their lives and the discussion went on and on and on... as they way it usually was when they were together.

at one point they were laughing so hard because they were reminiscing about their junior-senior prom. while laughing, out of the blue, he goes and asks her... "why dont you want me as your boyfriend? i know that we do have good chemistry."

she felt her face heat up with a blush as she remembers the kiss that they shared before. her face sobers up. she went quiet for awhile and then answered.

"well... i know that we do have good chemistry. i also feel that if we do have sex, it will be so good that after we do it, people within a 15 mile radius would need a cigarette. however, its not a wise thing to do. we have been friends since we were kids and i love being around you. i love having you as a friend. the little idiosyncracies that you find endearing, would piss you off if we become a couple. i know its not for me to decide but i know deep down its the same thing that you'd day. youre just in a funk right now. you feel lonely. i do too. its just that this is something that we should not touch, taste or even think about. its a little inscestuous..." she was giggling when she said the last sentence.

he pondered for awhile about what she said and decided yes. she maybe right about this. so he reached out and took her left hand in his right, smiled at her and said, "you always make me feel that everything is alright with the world. everything seems easier when youre around."

"one is always glad to be of service." she says, while tightening her fingers around his.

together they sat there. their fingers meshed. happily watching the sun interrupt the moon.

Sunrise @ Shaw

Life has been extraordinarily beautiful for me. I have wonderful friends, a loving family and a fantastic career. I couldnt ask for more.

Im a perennially happy person... Being happy is something that im good at. I guess its because im pretty blessed.

The past few weeks have been absolutely fun. Every time i drive home i get to see the sun rise and it fills me with peace, knowing that i get to live another day. A day filled with laughter and love.

As i drove home today, i really couldnt help myself i stopped the car at the top of the nagtahan bridge, turned on the hazard lights and just waited for the sky to lighten. i gazed up in wonder as the velvet sky got painted in shades of magenta, vivid orange, then gold. When the sky turned a crystal clear blue, i continued my drive home.

i actually caused a minor traffic jam.. but hey.. walang basagan ng trip. hahahaah!

i love MY life...

i am glad to get to live a day more...

good morning sa lahat~

The Pianist

strains of "gone" by jim chappel were wafting through the house. after plunking down the last few notes of the song, her small yet graceful fingers stopped moving on the ivory keys. just as she was starting to play the song "rendezvous" by jim brickman, her father walks into the room.

he sits beside her and puts his arms around her shoulders.

"bad day at the office anak?"

she shakes her head.

"so whats wrong? it must have been a really bad day because you usually go to the firing range with Howie when you feel ticked off."

"nothing dad. i just felt like playing. it has been awhile since i tickled keys and when i got here earlier, you weren't here. so i just went straight to the music room."

her father kisses her on the cheek and then takes her hand.

"anak, did you ever notice that we have the same hands?" her father says while holding her hands in his.

she looks down and nods. "yeah, ive been telling you that before. i also have your eyes and your stubborn streak and the talent to drink lots and lots of alcohol without getting drunk and mumphon..." the last few words came out muffled because her father had placed his hand on her mouth and when her father lifted his hand from her mouth they both started laughing.

that was one thing that she loved the most about her father. they were the best of friends. she looked at their hands once more.

"Dad, you think im ever going to be good enough for someone?"

she heard her father sigh and then say... "Anak, you're good enough for 90% of the people in this country. Pero the catch there is, are you the RIGHT one for them. O sya, i got to go and have the car fixed, want to join me?"

she shakes her head, "thanks dad. i'll be leaving na din naman i just want to finish something."

as her father leaves the room, she turns back to the keys. she slowly places her hands back on them and once more takes a look at her hands. she smiles. no one in her circle of friends knew that she played the piano. while she played "crossroads" by jim brickman, she pondered about what her father had told her.

anger management

last night was my first day at the new job. so far so good. people there seemed decent enough. however, one simple thing kinda ruined my night though, people who dont mind their own beeswax. so after work, i went home and called one of my best friends (Howie) and asked him if we could head off to PB Dionisio's and get off a few rounds. he goes and picks me up and we headed off to P.B's. pictures posted were taken at home after de-stressing. hahahaha... OA naman ako sa pa-cute i know. wala lang, just got pretty happy that i got time to spend time with a good good friend and got to get rid of some anger and stress too by using a gun. extermination with extreme prejudice. hahahaha!!

G'day!

2007 was a BLAST!!!

is it so small a thing
to have enjoy'd the sun,
to have lived light in the spring,
to have loved, to have thought, to have done;
to have advanced true friends, and beat
down baffling foes....?

-Matthew Arnold-

i lead a wonderfully beautiful and blessed life and for 2007 it was no different. here's a recap:

January: got a promotion in XBOX. which started the year right. my sweetie and i spent quality time together. talked alot over the phone and over YM. was pretty sad too because Dodie (my super cutie bessy.. one of the four bessies) changed companies and he is so far far away in HSBC alabang. this is when i kinda got talking to an old PExer (and yes, when i say old i mean OLD OLD and old na matagal nang kasama) maxie!!!

February : not much happened on this month. except that Drey (darnstuff, a co-PExer) kept making kulit that we should meet up since it had been ages since we last saw each other. at the end of the month i finally relented and met up with them on the first day of March.

March: met up with the Drey and NSGickers. had super fun. first time in a long while that i was able to go out with friends because of work and studies. got introduced to other PExers. (march 9: met aileen... yihee!!) march 30: graduated from law school/masters and met up with Maxie at Starbucks ELJCC. (syempre monologue mode ako kasi nag d-drama si maxie... hahahah!! yihee maxie.. hahahahaha!!!) 300 was also released (March 11) and it was such a kickass movie.

April: the usual. hahahaha ever since drey got me out of my hiding place, it was kinda hard to stop meeting new people. so april 13 (a friday the 13th) went to Starbucks People Support to meet up with some PExers. met Huck, Aileen, Ally and Andy. we hung out at Croc Grille and kinda drank ourselves into a stupor. hahahaha almost fell down the escalator at Greenbelt 3 too! hahahaha... the 17th of april was my anniversary. well.. it was mine and Dodie's anniversary. One year as bessies!! weeee~ this month also was the catalyst for gimmicks with my PEx family. Andy, Juriele, Mimi, Jesse and I spent the night at Laiya, Batangas. (kila Lola Tecla) hahahaha!!! (april 24) on our way home we even got sooo lost. on our way to tagaytay we ended up in Quezon. hahahaha!! golly gee...
May: moseys along with me obsessing. hahahaha! at this point my sweetie John kinda got eaten alive by work so we werent talking much.rediscovered a few things.. like my love for rilke...

You, darkness, that I come from
I love you more than all the fires
that fence in the world,
for the fire makes a circle of light for everyone
and then no one outside learns of you.

But the darkness pulls in everything-
shapes and fires, animals and myself,
how easily it gathers them! -
powers and people-

and it is possible a great presence is moving near me.

I have faith in nights.

this month also came in with bad tidings. two of my dearest, most loved friends passed away in a vehicular accident.

our beloved friend from the U.S came back home for his school vacation. Tsak! uber Tsak! we spent the evenings at Starbucks People Support. waiting for aileen and andy to come out and play. had tons of fun drinking and singing too!!

June: Time does fly when you're having too much fun. after spending most of May either drunk or hyped up with caffeine here at the Metro, we the kaladkarins decided to take it out of town... so once more we hauled our nice smelling and very very cute bodies over to Laiya, Batangas (Coco Grove naman) was also waxing a lot of poetics during this time... at para kanino naman aber? edi para sa kanya. hahahahaha... this was also the time where i left XBOX. it was sad for me since Microsoft was a fun company to work with. however if management doesnt actually know how to value their people, i might as well leave the company and look for one that does. so June 22 came and from this point, i was a rich jobless bum.


July: my favorite month!!! why? its because its my birthmonth! this year was utterly fab fab fab because it was 07.07.07.

spent my 25th birthday with the beautiful people. we went to antipolo and sung, drank and swum to our hearts content.

as an added treat, i vacationed in singapore for a month. arrived July 21. spent it with cool cool friends. this was also the time where i was able to catch up some reading. read lots and lots of books by various authors, Vikram Chandra, Carlo Luis Zafon, Milan Kundera, Ben Hills and Paolo Coelho.

i felt very loved by friends because even if i was in another country we never failed to "meet up" from 10am - 1pm. we had our daily video conference... or vonfe.

August: found a new job in Cubao. made some new friends...

Japeth pops back up in my life... since there was a disturbance in the force. we kinda mucked about with friendship and the thin grey lines that surround it.

this month held two of my saddest goodbyes. the first one was to the Harry Potter series. i finished reading the last book in the 7 part series. the second saddest goodbye was to a friend. he never saw me as one. so it was sad for me since... well... since. hahahaha.. hanggang dun na lang.

wonders of all wonders. when a door closes, a window opens. when i said goodbye to a friend, i said hello to a familiar face. John resurfaced from the muck that he calls his life (workaholic animal this John...hahahaha) so we just picked up where we left off.

September: this was one of the weirdest months in my year. flew to Sg to do nothing. had a fight with japeth. saw the Green Archers take the 2007 Men's Basketball Championship away from the then undefeated UE Warriors. met up with PExers. met Dale and Glen. spent my days with japeth. spin. rinse. repeat.

October/November: spent half of it locked up in my tower. was really really pissed off at humanity in general and friends to be specific. got into a vehicular accident too. cracked a couple of ribs. went out with my prettyful friends. and generally was focused on my work.


December: my second favorite time of the year! i love the Holidays. spent more time with my friends (yihee~ alabyu aileen!) and family. John visited Manila with his Mom. I got to meet his mom and he got to meet my parents (in a mall take note.. :lol:) we had a super time together. he is one of the most charming men that i know. a true gentleman. (it didnt hurt either that he had this delightful British accent... think Rupert Everett) Spent Christmas with my family and then New Year's Eve with my two best buddies. Howie and Jp. We drank old people alcohol... hahahaha Johnnie Walker Blue Label and lots and lots of brandy. We three also watched the sky lit up with beautiful fireworks. i think we spent one hour on the rooftop of Howie's building awe struck with the lights that decorated the clear night sky.

wow... pretty busy year for me... later on tonight its going to be my first day at my new office. New Job. New Year. New blessings.

like i said. i am living a beautiful and blessed life. for that i am thankful. praying that 2008 will be the same or much more beautiful than the last year. thank you friends and family for being a wonderful and important part of my life for 2007. looking forward to sharing more and more memories with y'all.

Happy 2008 to all of us.

much love,
Jeanne