waxing poetics

I love you.

And not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. And it’s not because you’re unattainable.

I love you.

Very simple, very truly. You’re the epitome of every attribute and quality I’ve ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you’d ever consider. But I can’t do this any longer. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended – but I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it.

And if bringing it to light means we can’t hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn’t allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I’ll accept that but I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that - at least for ten minutes - and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who’s ever made me the person I am when I’m with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it’s there between you and me.

You can’t deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of you and what you’ve meant to me...

oOo

Christmas really sucks. Call me Ebeneezer Scrooge.. Bah Humbug

butterfly

this is John... my sweetie, he's so cute... aint he?

oOo

Have you ever tried chasing after butterflies? It's tough...if not virtually impossible.

Won't do anyone good to chase after something so elusive much less have a relationship with one. That reality has been constantly being rammed into my thick skull for the longest time. But alas there is something so very mesmerizing about butterflies so very intriguing yet so deadly.

It may be a magical experience but only for a limited time because butterflies tend to fly away without hesitation to their next destination. Hanging on to them is futile because you are just a stop over after all. The hurtful part of the experience is that you get left behind without a warning. One day you're up in the clouds the next day you're down on the ground and you never knew it coming.

I heard someone say that when you're heart takes a big blow and it gets torn into a million pieces, your heart grows back bigger than it was the first time. Maybe that's why I could feel no anger just a quiet acceptance and deeper understanding. Sure the tears are there but my feet is still firmly on the ground this time and i have a stronger resolve not to chase after butterflies...i keep my palm open this time. So go on and fly...you're free to fly...my butterfly.

I firmly believe that I am worth coming home to and build a home with...since you choose to fly away...then i guess you're not the one for me. Somewhere, someone, sometime i'll be found and i'll find the one for me. And that would be the happiest day of my life...no more chasing after butterflies.

oOo

i'm missing you already. even if youre still here. it really isnt meant to be. fly and be free butterfly...

schnu schnu

isnt she pretty? thats Share Bear from Care Bears. this pretty little thing is a gift from my wonderful wonderful bessy. She lifts my spirit up when im feeling down or feeling irate. She also smells like my Bessy so its kinda funny that i dont miss him even if i dont see him, coz its like he's with me anyway. I love her so much... she's purple! my fave color...

oOo

im kinda been in a mild state of bliss lately (even when im stressed) my friend john and i have been playing a little nookie. hahaha... i look forward to the end of each day coz he just drops by the apartment. haha. last night he was there, i had to cook dinner. made pasta for him. ^_^

he's dropping by later... wonder what we'll be doing *snicker*

gotta go.. more updates soon