EL.OW.ES.EEE.AR!!!

hope is such a cruel bitch...

I never did stand a chance did I?

I don't know how and why I got that idea anyway.

was it the way you looked at me? .. nah... I don't think so. I never did see myself in those damn beautiful eyes.

was it the way you treated me? ... I don't think so. you treated me in the same way you treat our friends. so no dice there slick.

was it the way you lit up when we meet each other? ...nah...not even... *insert derisive laugh here*

I tried my damndest to make you feel what I was feeling for you... manhid ka lang siguro talaga.

was it your smile? I love that goofy smile, with your funky teeth... reminds me of Stitch. but nah... you smile at everybody anyway...

*sigh*

I swear. you're like a bad habit. I'm going to quit you. starting NOW.

oOo

I never felt comfortable sharing my life with other people, its not because I don't trust them, Its just that its like airing you dirty linen in public...

but something changed today... maybe its because I was really really sick of the shiite that I'm going through, or maybe its just because I trust the person that I was talking to... for the second time in my life, I cried in public. (the first time was when Jazzy passed away)

my bessy and I went to the small park that is located at the side of the office. I talked my heart out and ended up crying. I didn't want to cry in the first place because it would actually smudge my make up... I still ended up crying anyway coz my bessy was hugging me and for the first time in a long time I felt safe and sincerely felt that I could lean on somebody and that they really cared about what I was saying.

after that brief crying jag, I felt super embarrassed. but I couldn't do anything about it coz I already bawled my brains out.

I swear... I'm not planning to do something like that again anytime soon. my embarrassment knew no bounds when I was crying last night.

whatever.

this sucks.

big time.