old home week...

its 2am and im still up. am actually doing my laundry. the neighbors think im doing drugs... but i dont give a flying fluff about it. *snicker* (i mean... i understand where they're actually coming from since it IS 2am and somebody on this floor is doing their laundry.. its weird right... the buzzing sound from the washing machine MAY be disturbingly loud in the silence of the early morning... but who cares...)

oh well, the main reason why im still up at this ungodly hour is because it is my rest day and im chock full of caffeine right now. im supposed to be at work right now.. but i just CAME from work and my rest day schedule changed without prior notice.. so there you go... i went to the office on my day off... so i had to go back home. *sheesh*

well i was going to the office anyway since i wanted to meet up with my bessy. ^_^ who by the way is still cute... (see picture below) *snicker*



by the way, today, i actually found out that i do not know how to cook pancakes... hahahahah...

coz yesterday, i went to the grocery and while shopping, i saw this pillsbury easy cook pancake batter... (chocolate pancakes, fyi) so i decided to try it out.

kanina, since i was so lazy to cook a proper dinner i decided to cook the choco pancakes to see how they would taste like.

hehehehe... cooking those pancakes was a major DISASTER... they tasted fine.. (i mean i liked it... bessy liked it DAW *snicker* *snicker* *snicker*) but it looked liked dogfood! hahahah there is no presentation value whatsoever! it looked like burnt scrambled eggs (chunky scrambled eggs for that matter)

i know that im a good cook coz i cook pasta just fine... bragging aside, whenever i would cook pasta for my friends... i never heard a single complaint about taste and presentation. but gawd... i thought cooking pancakes would be easy. boy... was i ever wrong...

sabagay, i never could fry anything worth a damn. i actually ruined a teflon pan once. imagine... a TEFLON pan... coz i tried to cook spam for breakfast once... i never did it again... hahahahha... whatever... i guess the self given CCA approval must be revoked...

oOo

this past two weeks have been a little weird for me. last weekend i got to spend time with Robbie, and this weekend, (surprise! surprise!) Ran was here. well he was actually here on a business trip... but he went to Church earlier and we got to have lunch (ok.. business lunch/meeting)

Ran was proposing that we meet up with people from MIMOSA to do a joint project regarding a golf course... (details on this cannot be posted.. hehehe for security purposes and i might jinx it.. i'll just post it IF the project gets approved)

meeting up with old "friends" made think... is this old home week or what? *snciker* is somebody up there playing with me? im just actually waiting for the other shoe to drop. (offtopic: i love the way my keyboard sounds when i type on it... dunno.. its really addicting. i type so fast when im using this keyboard... maybe im getting high on the katol thats under my pc table... *snicker*)

oOo

how do you think? if you ask me... i think in English.. i dunno, is it weird? i havent posed this question yet to my friends... but me whenever im alone or daydreaming... or even having a conversation/argument in my head.. it actually runs in English... (does that make me conyo?)

oOo

you may now be thinking... how does one have an argument/conversation inside their own head... must a person have multiple personalities inside them? or are they just plain nucking futz?

i live alone so most of the time i dont have people to talk to.. so i talk to myself in my head. when im in a jeep, and i see something/someone weird/strange i think about it in english...

i find it normal having an argument/conversation inside my head... i mean, when i dont get to talk to my bessy about certain things... i try to think the way he thinks and debate on my issue. then when i see him, i tell him about my problem and see what he says... and if it matches the one that i had in my head... *snicker* weird right?

sometimes i also have these conversations in my head to express the things that i want to say but tend to forget when that person is around... (which between me and Dodie... we tend to forget a lot of things... wehehehehe...)

take for example... this is one of the conversations that i was having in my head last Friday...

Me: have i ever told you how much i appreciate having you as a friend...
Bessy: yep...

Me: thats cool... anyways, just in case i forget to tell you... remind me...
Bessy: *insert funny grin here*

Bessy: well have i ever told you how much i appreciate having you as a friend?
Me: yep, everytime you smile bessy... every time you smile.. ^_^

oOo

it actually makes sense in my head. i tend to forget things... mostly showing people how much i appreciate them or saying thank you.. or just plain forgetting about details...

but having these conversations in my ehad with my friends make me feel better because even in this small (weird...) way, i get to express how much i value the people i have in my life.

i actually BELIEVE that it is a privilege that they are inside my head coz i feel that if they are in my head, i understand them well enough to know how they feel/think about me.. so i know how the flow of the conversation would run... ( yeahyeahyeah.. i KNOW its weird.)

oOo

since we're on that tangent anyway... i actually find it odd that i write ALMOST everything that happens to me in my journal.. (my blog is an edited version of my journal) but there are still several things that i cant write down or even dont try to think about.

is it because im too scared that if i actually write it down or type it, it concretizes it? i dunno.. maybe. im trying to avoid the issue here.. hehehehe... but more often than not i actually think that im scared.

am i making sense?

does this mean i havent shown people who i really am?

or does this mean that im scared that people would actually reject me if they find out how i really think about them?

or does this just simply mean that i think too much?

it reminds me of what hornyboy Engr. Pogi Paulo told me once... "the more you analyze things, the farther you get from the truth..." maybe he is right...

i need to ponder about this..

what say you?

oOo

btw, just want to rant about this. im not emulating TIN to get you. gawd. how self centered can you be?!

i know i said i feel something for you... pero with what you said... yuck. yeah. i still have feelings for you ... pero NEVER compare me to that person. NEVER. else it ends here. GAWD!!!