happy

these past two days have been beautiful.

i am happy...

thank you God for wonderful friends and for making me feel that i was sorely missed. ang sarap sarap ng feeling.

ang sarap din ng feeling ng welcome na welcome ka sa sarili mong bayan.

home...

hey friends..

im home and im so glad to be back.

there is no place like home...

homecoming

im going back home to Pinas tomorrow..

there really IS no place like home.

see you when i get home friends...

saying goodbye to a friend

this has been long overdue...

i have finished reading the last installment of the seven-part series of the Harry Potter books. so faretheewell Harry Potter, it was nice knowing you.

to JK Rowlings: All is well.

once i finish re-reading the HP&tDH that is when i will be posting my review.

thanks y'all

road less taken

Time steals away commitments and loosens ties. Friendships are reduced to tales of the past and vague promises for the future, neither strong enough to recover what is lost. But that is what life does - it takes you down separate roads until you find yourself alone...

PRINCESS MASAKO : Prisoner of the Chrysanthemum Throne

Ben Hills' biography of Princess Masako has a second subtitle: the tragic true story of Japan's Crown Princess. It is a taste of the work to come, of both the hyperbole and the author's tendency to explain everything to the reader. But then the book is promoted not as a serious biography, but as a 'romance gone wrong'. Written by a Fairfax investigative reporter, it reads like an extended feature article, with the historical strands teased out, but lacking empathy with its main characters.

One facet of the 'tragedy' is the lack of an heir to the Japanese imperial line. Crown Prince Naruhito and his wife Masako had one daughter in 2001 after clandestine IVF treatment, but no son and heir had arrived by the time Masako reached her early forties. The debate that surfaced in Japan about the solutions to the problem, including the possibility of allowing women to inherit the imperial throne, is traced through Japanese and overseas media reports and Hills' numerous interviews.

The book went to press at the time of the birth of Prince Hisahito to Masako's sister-in-law in September. It is clear in the final chapter there has been a hasty revision to incorporate the news that a male heir has finally been born to the Japanese monarchy. Unfortunately, there was no revision to a comment in the penultimate chapter that: 'in 40 or 50 years' time...the imperial line will also come to an end.' This is just one of several glitches in a work that suffers from hasty writing and hasty editing.

It is inevitable that Hills would be unable to give us the inside story 'behind the Chrysanthemum curtain'. He only glimpsed Masako once, at a train station. He had no chance of interviewing her or any of the imperial family who lived within the walls of the palace. Of those relatives and friends he had access to, many were unwilling to speak up against the Kunaicho , the Imperial Household Agency, the Men in Black as he calls them, who arrive at Masako's family home as the story begins to take her into their custody on her wedding day.

It is a fascinating premise for a story, all the better for being true. A Harvard-educated woman, who was brought up in Japan, Russia and America and was evolving into a gifted diplomat, is courted by the future Japanese emperor, and finally gives in to his request to marry him. Hills does not claim to understand why Masako made that decision, in spite of the fact that she knew how debilitating the experience had been for other royal wives. He surmises that she felt she might be able to play a role in modernising the monarchy. Nor does he draw any conclusion about her character and motivation, simply quoting the conflicting views of her friends and associates that show her personality was at times westernised and assertive and at others demure and traditionally Japanese.

Hills has an informal approach to his text, a light touch that crosses at times into the flippant, rather at odds with the subject. The lovers are 'star-crossed', a royal retainer 'a pompous old fossil', Masako's ladies-in-waiting 'bitchy biddies'. He has a taste for colourful phrases, jokes and diversions. One superfluous chapter obviously lifts a paragraph from an article by Hills on the coronation of Bokassa in the Central African Empire, concluding with a list of defunct monarchies that looks remarkably like a sidebar.

The most engaging part of Princess Masako is the story of Masako's earlier life and education, mainly because there is more information on this part of her life than her time in Japan. There is a less interesting chapter devoted to Naruhito's education that includes his time at Oxford and as a home-stay student in Australia. The development of Masako's career is an important prelude to imagining the complete change of lifestyle since she has been in thrall to the Imperial Household Agency. Unfortunately, although Hills builds the suspense, the outcome is uncertain. We do know that Masako is suffering depression. We do not know if she is still hoping to produce a son. Hills admits in his preface that this is not the final word on the subject, but does allow himself gloomy predictions for her future on the final page.

Hills states his purpose clearly. As well as writing about 'a romance gone wrong', he is exploring contentious social issues in Japan: the role of women, IVF treatment, attitudes to mental health and the monarchy. It seems the Imperial Household Agency is instrumental in barring changes in Japanese society. The prevailing attitudes and debates are well covered, although there is no adequate exploration of how the Imperial Household Agency manages to maintain its power without challenge.

Sacred Games - Vikram Chandra

The New Yorker wrote about it in a lengthy review. It was roundly lauded in publishing-industry magazines and online sites, and in the Sunday book supplements of the nation’s largest newspapers.

Vikram Chandra’s intricate Sacred Games was one of the more anticipated titles of 2007, the subject of an international bidding war among publishers.

Chandra is the award-winning Indian author of the novel Red Earth and Pouring Rain and the short-story collection Love & Longing in Bombay. He teaches creative writing at the University of California, Berkeley. Seven years of his life went into writing Sacred Games and it shows in the book’s scope.

On the surface, it’s the story of India’s most-wanted master criminal, Ganesh Gaitonde, and his relationship with corrupt Sikh police inspector Sartaj Singh, who has made a career of tracking him down.

But this is no simple Holmes-Moriarty adventure or merely an entertaining read. It works on numerous levels, the most vibrant of which paints a realistic landscape of India and the intrinsic machinery that allows it to move forward, when the laws of sociology suggest the country should have collapsed long ago. It addresses crime, politics, religion, the caste system, history, business, the psychology of power, the juxtaposition of good and evil, and the effects of merging cultures on a nation—to name a few of its topics.

The hub of the book’s action is the port city of Mumbai, formerly Bombay, a metropolis of an estimated 18 million people—from corporate moguls to slum dwellers. Mumbai is the teeming center of India’s entertainment (Bollywood) and business industries—including such disparate trades as banking and prostitution—and is one of the world’s most ethnically diverse cities. Opportunity and intrigue rule. So do graft, bribery and various strata of other corruption.

It is against this setting that Chandra’s stories-within-a-story spin, and what glorious diversions they are.

Constantine

the scent of keno air reminds me of you.

the color of my bedside table reminds me of your wise whisky brown eyes.

whenever the wind blows,

i whisper my words to it...

hoping you'd receive them.

hoping you'd know.

hoping you'd hear.

hope is not a bad thing...

solitude in a deluge

woke up at 9am.. went downstairs to buy breakfast... its my 12th day here and i still gaze around my surroundings with a little awe. the cafe that i am going to is a lil down a-ways.. takes you 5 minutes slow walk.

while walking on my way back, i close my eyes to feel the warm fingers of the sun graze my face...then a drop of water hit my face and another and another. the next thing i know i was in a deluge.

i didnt run... i just stood there. i let the rain washover me. its a good thing that my breakfast was in a box encased in saran wrap. i slowly walked back to the apartment. letting the rain wash over me.

Singapore is a beautiful City

Its my 11th day here in Singapore and I have been enjoying my stay here immensely (albeit i am getting a bit bored)

Ive visited Orchard Road, Vivo City, Chimes, St James Powerstation, Sentosa, Merlion Park, Marina Bay and Esplanade. This country is so organized. The transportation route is well planned and the MRT/LRT system is efficient. From what ive seen with the people here as well is that they are disciplined. cab drivers are extremely courteous (and madaldal). This country is tourist friendly. You'd have to be the dumbest person on earth if you get lost here. (well not unless you're the type that never asks for directions... THEN you'd really get lost for a couple of hours... I mean, Singapore isn't THAT big...)

The past two weekends have been shared with a great friend. On my first weekend here he took me to Vivo City, Chimes and St James Powerstation. We had coffee at Vivo (Starbucks of course...hahahahah) had dinner at Chimes (wonderful italian place, we had seafood pizza, seafood pasta, white wine and a couple of Coronas) then when the place had to close down (it WAS 1am..i think) we transferred to St James (actually we tried to find a bar that had outdoor seating and smoking.. to no avail) and had a couple more drinks at Kitchen. It started to rain hard around 2 or 3am so we had to transfer to the non smoking area of the resto. We stayed there till 6am. (well 5am actually, we just had trouble hailing a cab since most of the people were trying to catch one as well... since it WAS raining cats and dogs.) We wanted to catch a movie.. DISTURBIA but sadly, the showtimes were a little too late for us.. so we opted not to watch anymore.

Sunday, we had a blast.. haahahahaha.. we wanted to have coffee and talk, sadly this country has NO sense of outdoor dining/SMOKING... hahaha.. so what we did was we slummed. we purchased our poison of choice (he had a mocha latte while i had a hot chocolate) went out of Vivo and copped a squat on the walkway. we smoked and talked til 12mn (we had to go home since he had work the next day) i enjoyed that because... wala lang.. haha sharing a good conversation with a friend while sitting on the pavement... hahaha while people were walking past you.. priceless..

... last saturday, we hung out at HOOTERs.. lol... had a couple of coronas... and talked. ayelavit.

there is a sense of a language barrier here because SINGlish is a mite hard to understand at first. its a combination of British English and Chinese intonations. thank God i can speak mandarin (but writing.. ahh.. thats a different story altogether...)

ill be posting pictures as soon as i get home.. i forgot to bring my data cable kasi... oh well..

The Shadow of The Wind

"The art of reading is slowly dying, that it is an intimate ritual, that a book is a mirror that offers us only what we already carry inside us, that when we read, we do it with all out heart and mind, and great readers are becoming more scarce by the day..."

- Daniel Sempere
The Shadow of the Wind

i just woke up and my brain is still foggy... i stayed up till like 4am reading a book by Vikram Chandra titled Sacred Games, but thats not the reason why i am posting this blog...

im posting this because i want to rave about the book that i finished reading yesterday... its entitled The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. (thanks Huck)

my words cant bring justice to the beauty of the book. you must experience it first hand. just to give you a taste of the story.. here is the blurb printed on the back of the book:

"Hidden in the heart of the old city of Barcelona is the 'Cemetery of Forgotten Books,' a labyrinthine library of obscure and forgotten titles. To this library, a man brings his ten-year-old son Daniel, one cold morning in 1945. Daniel is allowed to choose one book and from the dusty shelves pulls The Shadow of the Wind by Julian Carax. But as Daniel grows up several people seem inordinately interested in his find. What begins as a case of literary curiosity turns into a race to find out the truth behind the life and death of Julian Carax and to save those he left behind..."

the book has wonderful lovable characters, witty lines, scenery of inordinate beauty and an over all ambiance that sucks you in. its kinda like pringles, once you pop you cant stop. hahahaha... actually, after reading the book, i had to stand and applaud. (im serious! i was at one of the cafe's in Orchard when i finished the book, i stood up and applauded after i turned the last page of the book...)

seriously though, if you guys can find a copy of this, kindly purchase one and read it (then bigay nyo sakin.. hahahah gusto ko magkaroon ng sariling kopya) please.. to my book lover friends out there... hear my plea.. hahaha.. look for this book. its a treasure.

Skinned Knees

its not really that painful right? it smarts.. but its bearable.

i guess its something that you really have to go through when you fall...

---

i miss home.

Vivo Slumming

pale sand dune like facade

bright blue Vivo

cool breeze blowing

warm cup of chocolate

hard pavement

cigs

wonderful friend

beautiful conversation.

priceless...

Living out of a suitcase

whew... its 1pm and i just woke up.

hahahhaha... bakasyonistang bakasyonista diba? woke up this late coz i got in late early this morning. around 5 or 6-ish... had dinner and drinks with a friend. shared a great conversation... when we decided to go home, it was freaking raining cats and dogs.so ayun basa ang aking beloved purple sneaks.

had super fun talking to my friend. :o) thanks ha...

gonna go back to sleep.. heheh

---

being abroad is fun... lalo na pag yung kasama mo napagkakamalang Malaysian parati. hahahaha...

Soul Searching in Singapore

need to figure somethings out.

think things over... am at a fork in the road once more...

maybe a change in countries might do the trick.

(o.a ang term na soul searching... hahaha. pero gusto ko syang gamitin its a nice alliteration)

melancholic

i just am.

dont know why...

Beyond Recognition

just want to say that i finally woke and smelled the coffee.

oOo

dont know what you've got `til its gone.

alliteration

long lush lashes
revealing and concealing
wise whisky brown eyes

his crisp white shirt
reflects the brightness of his smile

his canorous laughter
like hearth fire
drawing people in from the cold.

his sigh
a soughing zephyr
charms me

soporific

alone he stands.
the light embraced him in silence
he glances at me
whisky brown eyes full of meaning

wish i knew what they were.

sunset...

the lady of morn

alights from her chariot of fire

as the emissary of night
mounts his shadowed steed

an ivory hand whisper
over ebony colored ones

a look
a breath
a secret smile

dusk has come

grace

like a sultan's dancer
you are.

you tease.

you reveal;
a hint...
a deft twist,
hidden once more.

a different revelation,
a hint,
a graceful turn
hidden once more.

with bated breath
i await

enraptured
fascinated
captivated.

i await...

Titik, Para Que

waves like dolphins,
lapping gracefully to the shore,
regular as your heartbeat.

the sun kissing the distant horizon,
bathing the world in light and shade,
the chiaroscuro effect heightens your profile,
your air of mystery.

i am on the outside looking in,
wanting to know you more,

i am at a loss...

unRequited

beautiful brown eyes,
directed at the past
yet seeing the future

the warm summer breeze touches his face
like a flower to the sun
he turns his face towards it
savoring its soft caress

he smiles
brilliant white in contrast with delicious tan
bedazzled

all i could do is watch...

confused pumpkin

i have been obsessing about this guy for months now. pathetic really... just because he held my hand and we've been talking to each other practically everyday even before we met and he tells me that he missed me and that he is going home for my birthday... it doesnt mean that he has special feelings for me. (maybe i give him gas.. ugh)

...

im such a fraud. i tell my friends that i know how to handle this, but seriously... im like a duck. on top of the water everything seems to be placid, but underneath, you never see those tiny feet churning very hard to move the duck where ever..

sawa na rin siguro sila sa pakikinig s apaulit ulit ko na rant tungkol sa kanya. sa totoo lang, sawa na rin ako. ang problema lang kasi pag naiisip ko sya... eto nanaman.

...

fucker ka eh. i like you a lot. brat ka. demanding ka. madalas sa hindi parang bading ang tono ng pananalita mo. hindi ka naman gwapo. di ka naman katangkaran. madalas masungit ka.

kaso...

ang smart smart mo. i love that smile of yours. i loved the way my fingers fit in with yours. i love the way you think. i love the way you love Neruda, Rilke, Eco.

fcuker fcuker... here i go again.

You Never Know

I was actually supposed to update my blog when i got home from the Barkada Trip. Yun nga lang i was too tired to do so and i was kinda procrastinating. hahaha. anyway, im just going to give a brief rundown on what happened during the ab-so-fu-ckin-tastic weekend that i shared with Andy, Chuck, Aileen and Juriele.

Basically, the trip can be summed up in the following phrases: a series of misfortunate events, luck of the draw and blessings in disguise.

oOo

A Series of Misfortunate Events

Right after the first Laiya trip, Aileen and I planned a second visit (with the other Housemates of course) It was actually good that Chuck was coming back home for a visit so we had a reason to go back to Laiya.

We started planning the trip a month before the said date. There were 10 people (including me and Aileen) that consented/confirmed that they wished to join the post summer shindig. it was Aileen, Me, Andy, Jay, Juriele, Chuck, Ally, Ivan, Jesse and Mimi.

as the date drew closer, people started to back out from the trip. A week before June 16, there were 6 people left. Aileen, Me, Jay, Andy, Juriele and Chuck. Three days before the date, Jay got sick... and there were 5.

June 16: the Fab 5 *lol* met up at 6750 Starbucks. Aileen's ex-boss (Sir Noel) picked us up around 7am and then we were off!!! woooohoooo!! it took us 7 hrs to get to our destination. we got lost a couple of times and we had a lot of pitstops. *snicker*

On our first Laiya visit, it only took us 4 hours to get there. so we were actually blaming Chuck for the delay (me balat ata sya sa pwet) *snicker* *guffaw*

Luck of the Draw:

We finally arrive at Coco Grove and checked our weary selves in. When our escort took us to our cottage, we were amazed to see 3 double beds and 1 single bed. Aileen and I looked at each other then shrugged. According to Aileen, we booked a cottage that was good for 5 people and had no A/C. We were given a cottage that was good for 7 people and had 2 A/C units. We talked to the concierge and it turns out, the cottage that we reserved was committed to another group of guests and since they were the first to arrive, they were given the cottage that they reserved. Since there were no more available cottages aside from the one that they gave us they kinda gave it to us as a freebie of some sorts. Talk about lucky!

So after chucking our bags in our respective rooms... we headed off to the pavilion and had a VERY late lunch. After eating, we changed into our or swim wear... we headed off to the beach and swam and laughed and guffawed and swam... hahahaha.. we even have the videos to prove it. When dusk came we walked back to the cottage and rinsed off the sea from ourselves and went back to the pavilion to have dinner and play a round or so of billiards.

after that HOT game of billiards (and when i say hot i mean hot... you know... tulo pawis stuff.. not that other HOT stuff you were thinking of pervert... hahahahaha) we went back to the cottage and got the party started. we drank till the sun came up... (well si juju, chuck at ako na lang natira) went to bed and then the next thing we know its noon.

Time to pack up and leave our temporary corner of paradise.

Blessings in Disguise:

When we got back to Manila, we had an early dinner at Avenetto. We rationalized that things indeed happen for a reason.

• if all 10 of us that confirmed to go were able to go. hindi magkakasya sa car. Kawawa ang naka upo sa likod ng Revo.
• if Jay was there, mahihirapan kami sa car dahil sa beanchair and magagahol kami sa oras. Coz if Jay was there, we would have to go back to Manila at an earlier time and worry about him being able to catch his flight back to Singapore, since he had training the next day.
• Kung hindi kami naligaw ligaw, we couldve gotten to the resort early, but we wouldve gotten the cottage that had no ac unit.

So basically, things all worked out for the best. After dinner, we all went on to watch Fantastic 4. hahahahaha. it wasnt that good a movie, but it was waaaaaaaaaay way better than Spiderman 3.

so there.

F*%@#$ rant!

bakit kasi hindi na lang sabihin ang totoo? kung ayaw mo wag mo. nobody is forcing you to do it naman eh. just dont lie. maiintindihan naman kung magsasabi ka ng totoo. JUST DONT LIE!!!

i hate liars. i hate you.

Green Tea makes me constipated

hahahaha.. kidding really... just needed something to catch your attention.

This work week pretty much can be summarized in one word: HELL-ish.

My bosses have been riding me pretty hard coz my tenure is coming to an end pretty soon (ETA: June 18, 2007) and they have been piling up my in-tray with much admin stuff and any what not they can think of. I don't know if this backlog was caused by my 5 day hiatus or if they are just "punishing" me. Anyway, even though my in-tray content is a mile-high am really not THAT concerned because i know that i CAN and WILL finish all of it today because.. really... I want to spend the next two days (my rest days) vegging-out (you know... lay like broccoli in front of the idiot box and drown myself in Gregory House's blue blue eyes and endearingly astringent bedside manner); hanging out with my friends (Iain is in town and we need to catch up a bit more...); be domesticated (laundry, ironing, vacuuming, etc); or just lay in bed and savor the peace, quiet and privacy of being the sole entity at my domicile.

Being sleep deprived for this whole work week also added more stress to my being. Friday: (Saturday early morning actually) i was out with my friend Iain.. so i basically got 1 1/2 hours worth of sleep before i clocked in.

Saturday: had a total of 3 hours of sleep because i tried to make a dent to the contents of my inbox (600 emails and counting, yes OT.Y sya) then watched Pirates of the Carribean with officemates, had dinner with Diamael and then went home late in the evening.

Sunday: when i got home from work, had to process another request from my Father. i had to create some search warrants for him (he's an investigator/representative of the Intellectual Property Rights Board.. or something like that) Had to make like 37 sets of S.W's, triple check each one to see if the proper names and dates were posted, et al. this kept me up till the wee hours of the morning...

Monday: had like 2 or 3 hours of sleep once more because i had a fight with my mum (more about that later) and after that blow out, no matter how i tried to catch the Sandman's attention, he just didn't want to come. Its a good thing that its my rest day later. So i can stay as late as i want in the office (to finish whatever) without being stressed that i need to catch some sleep before another workday commences.

Talking about the fight with my mum... I do understand that she is worried about my career path and safety and everything, but just like i told her, the reason why i am leaving the company that i am currently employed in is because I believe that I'm at the point of being burnt out (another factor that i didn't tell her was that i had an epiphany -which was of course facilitated by my friend.. tae mo Jay... hahaha...kidding! and i kinda noticed that i WAS already stuck in a rut). I never thought that working for a contact center would be this stressful. I mean, when i did PR for Maceda and De Venecia, it was also stressful (i received death threats) but i got to go places. During my stint as a PR staff for both politicians, i got to roam around the Philippines... the only reason why i had to quit is because i couldn't handle all the out of town trips and law school at the same time. As stated on the non-completion clause in my contract i cant work in the same industry for a year since i was privy to a lot of confidential information during the campaign period. thus i ended up in the contact center industry...

The year is now up and i'm ready to go back to the world of Politics. I love the wheeling and dealing that happens behind the scenes. The information that i hold. The trips. The parties. The connections that i make. The people that i meet. but most of all, i love the high that i get when you successfully lobby a project.

About the fight... the reason why it started was because my travel agent called our Wack-Wack home phone instead of my mobile number or my apartment's landline. He told my mum that there were a lot of openings in the airlines for me to be able to book a flight sometime this October and that he is trying to find a good deal for my July trip to Singapore (and possible side trip to Malaysia). I distinctly remember that i told my mum that i planned to celebrate my 25th birthday in style... i mean July 07, 2007 or 07.07.07 seems to be a pretty auspicious date for me to be able to try something new (not to mention the fact that it is MY BIRTHDAY on that day) Mum harangued about me quitting my job and not plan to work anytime soon. I told her, i just need to take a breather coz i HAVE been working and studying for the past 7 years and i believe it was high time that i had time for myself. She was pretty ticked off as well about me inquiring about flights to California... *sigh* She called me selfish and unthinking... (i mean.. is it really THAT bad of me to ask sometime for myself?) *sigh* anyway, on to happier thoughts... i just needed to get that out of my system.

I am soooooo looking forward to my post summer shindig with friends on June 16/17, my last day at work on June 18 and June 30 because its a day before July 1. *teehee*

so there...

Martinis at Mandarin Oriental (A Shameless Plug)

whoa nelly... its getting to be expensive being me. heeheehee...

A good friend of mine flew in from London yesterday and he is currently billeted at Mandarin Oriental (wahahahahaha.. of all places... memories.. ahahahahaha)

anyway... i digress... so yesterday, since it was my rest day i was being utterly domesticated. After doing my housechores (laundry, ironing, vacuuming) i processed a request that my father posed to me. I was currently processing the search warrants that he needed when my mobile phone beeped like an excited chipmunk. i got an SMS message from an unlisted number. while i was reading the message, i was grinning like a naked bandit swimming in gold coins! My friend was back in the P.I... and he was asking if we could hang out.

It was his first night back and i gave in to his request (even if i had work at 2am the next day... i didnt care.. all for the sake of friendship... coz i believe that one must never be too busy for friends...) Around 9pm he picked me up from my apartment and we headed off to the newly opened bar at Mandarin Oriental named "Martini" (or something like that)

The bar was utterly charming ang absolutely cozy. Their speciality is.. of course... MARTINIs. Iain (pronounced as Eyhn) grabbed two chilichoco (or was it chocochili) martinis and two wasabe martinis. we both had one of each... SALUT... it was delish! utterly fabulous!! He also ordered a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc (white wine from Australia.. i googled the spelling so i can get it correctly.. *snicker* i forgot the year though...) it was also absolutely delicious... it had an after taste like berries.. or a tangy fruity taste... lovely lovely really...

We were having a great time, sadly i had to end the evening because i had to get a couple hours of sleep before heading off to work.. so i got home around 1am and headed off to bed slightly tipsy.

I have suddenly acquired a taste for white wine (am a red fan myself) and i loved the martinis that i had!! (i wonder if Giliggans serve martinis as good as what i had...) anyhoo... hahahaha.. its starting to become expensive being me... *snicker*

oh well.. so im here in the office right now... very VERY sleepy (thank God martinis dont cause hang overs) and all i basically want to do now is crawl under my desk and sleep... *big yawn*

so there...

Recent Powerlines

oOo

happiness is a state of mind. i know we're really not meant to be together... but I'm happy with what i have now. i guess thats enough. it may just be an alcohol induced illusion... but people don't remember what you do for them.. what they remember is how happy you made them. i know its one sided.. but hey... am happy. all i care for is the here and now...

oOo

as said by Paulo Coelho in one of his books... everyone has a little insanity in them...

the only reason why this insanity is kept in check is because society has a set standard that people comply to.. thus marking them as sane...

what i am doing for you is not of the norm, thus its an 'insane' thing to do...

but I'm happy with my bouts with lapses from sanity... and this makes me see how dull my life is without you making me 'loopy'

so what am i getting at here?

bottom-line is, you're something that makes me crazy and in turn it makes me realize that being sane is overrated...

hahahaha kidding...

seriously... i love my lapses from sanity because of you... it makes me see the world in a new light.

oOo

i know I'm stranded again... but ill just ride the waves to get back to the shore... it takes longer but I'm happy... stupid... but happy...

oOo

you to me...

like a child's first with a Rubik's cube. every turn challenging. every turn fascinating...

you charm, attract, enthrall, mesmerize, captivate, intrigue me...

i pray that i don't solve the puzzle soon...

oOo

what actually drives me nuts is that... you don't even know. Not an IOTA, maybe you do, coz i told you, but it was as if it was nothing. maybe you're scared. maybe its really nothing. maybe I'm making a big deal out of it. maybe you're still hung up on her. maybe.. maybe.. maybe... a lot of maybes baby, I'm telling you... I'm willing to wait, just let me know where i stand.

you fascinate me. really. i sure hope its not just because you seem mysterious...

i want to say THANK YOU... for making me happy even if you don't know it.

THANK YOU for making me see the world in a different light.

THANK YOU for making me see that i am stuck in a rut.

THANK YOU for the music.

THANK YOU...

THANK YOU...

THANK YOU...

My New Look

I'm feeling patriotic... *snigger*

i love my page's new look... don't you?

oOo

I was browsing around and i stumbled upon one of the oldest poems that i have been in love with for a long time. its "You, Darkness" by Rainer Maria Rilke...


You, darkness, that I come from
I love you more than all the fires
that fence in the world,
for the fire makes a circle of light for everyone
and then no one outside learns of you.

But the darkness pulls in everything-
shapes and fires, animals and myself,
how easily it gathers them! -
powers and people-

and it is possible a great presence is moving near me.

I have faith in nights.

Cant Hardly Wait!!!!

“Halo 3” to Make Entertainment History on Sept. 25

Countdown begins for what promises to be bigger than any movie launch in history; beta preview and collectible Zune-Halo 3 edition digital media player add to early excitement.

In a year when Hollywood is launching its biggest blockbusters ever, a video game is set to conquer them all. “Halo^® 3,” the final chapter in the groundbreaking “Halo” trilogy, is set to shatter day-one entertainment sales records when it is released worldwide beginning Tuesday, Sept. 25. Created by legendary developer Bungie Studios and exclusive to the Xbox 360™ video game and entertainment system, “Halo 3” will set a new standard for interactive storytelling and social gaming by engaging consumers worldwide in Master Chief’s epic battle to save humankind. “Halo 3” will be available to audiences around the world starting Sept. 25 and will release in Europe on Sept. 26.

“‘Halo 3’ is much more than a video game release; it’s the biggest entertainment event of the year,” said Peter Moore, corporate vice president of Microsoft’s Interactive Entertainment Business. “On Sept. 25, we intend to deliver a finale that will go down in entertainment history and leave people around the world with an experience that will be shared and enjoyed for years to come.”

Fueling the early buzz around “Halo 3”, Microsoft unveiled the multiplayer beta on the eve of its release at a star-studded event in Hollywood. Beginning tomorrow, May 16, Microsoft Game Studios will kick off the “Halo 3” multiplayer beta, which provides audiences worldwide with an exclusive, early look at some of the multiplayer elements of “Halo 3” on Xbox LIVE^®. Adding to the excitement, Microsoft is also announcing a special edition Zune™ digital media player inspired by the hugely successful “Halo” franchise. On shelves next month, the Zune-Halo 3 edition comes loaded with a collection of “Halo” content, including videos, soundtracks, trailers, ads and artwork.

In November 2004, the world’s view of video games changed forever with the release of “Halo 2,” which generated a record-setting $125 million in sales within the first 24 hours and changed the way people think about interactive entertainment. Three years later, it remains the most-played game on Microsoft’s Xbox LIVE online gaming and entertainment network, with nearly 1 billion hours of online gaming logged to date.

The unveiling of the “Halo 3” launch date comes on the eve of the release of the “Halo 3” multiplayer beta, which will debut to audiences worldwide via Xbox LIVE on May 16 at 5 a.m. PDT and run through June 6 at 11:59 p.m. PDT.* The “Halo 3” multiplayer beta will provide audiences worldwide with an exclusive early look at some of the multiplayer elements of “Halo 3” on Xbox LIVE. Gamers who are interested in experiencing the multiplayer beta of “Halo 3” can still participate through the purchase of the critically acclaimed, Xbox 360-exclusive title “Crackdown™,” which was launched in February. Starting May 16, the specially marked copies of “Crackdown” will act as a key for gamers to participate in the “Halo 3” multiplayer beta. In addition to giving gamers their first opportunity to get their hands on the new levels, weapons, vehicles and game types, the multiplayer beta will also provide valuable data that Bungie will use in continued development.

The “Halo” franchise has expanded beyond video games into The New York Times’ best-selling books, graphic novels, collectible merchandise and now a new, special edition Zune digital media player. Encased in collectible packaging, the Zune-Halo 3 edition digital media player comes pre-loaded with artwork, trailers and music from all three “Halo” games, as well as an exclusive new episode of “Red vs. Blue” from the fan-adored machinima creator Rooster Teeth Productions LLC. The Zune-Halo 3 edition (estimated retail price $249) will be available exclusively at GameStop starting June 15.

About Bungie Studios

Bungie Studios was founded in 1991 with two goals: to develop games that combine brilliant technology, beautiful art, intelligent stories and deep gameplay, and then sell enough of those games to achieve its real goal of total world domination. Over the past 10 years it has produced games such as the “Marathon Trilogy” and the first two “Myth” games, hailed as classics by critics and gamers around the world. Bungie’s “Halo” franchise is an international award-winning action title that has grown into a global entertainment phenomenon, selling more than 14.7 million units worldwide, logging nearly 1 billion hours of multiplayer action on Xbox LIVE, and spawning action figures, books, a graphic novel, apparel and more. Bungie is currently at work on “Halo 3,” which represents the third chapter in this “Halo” trilogy and is slated for release in 2007. More information on Bungie can be found at http://www.bungie.net.

About Microsoft Game Studios

Microsoft Game Studios is a leading worldwide publisher and developer of games for the Xbox^® and Xbox 360 video game systems, the Windows^® operating system and online platforms. Comprising a network of top developers, Microsoft Game Studios is committed to creating innovative and diverse games for Windows (http://www.microsoft.com/games), including such franchises as “Age of Empires^®,” “Flight Simulator” and “Zoo Tycoon^®”; Xbox and Xbox 360 (http://www.xbox.com), including such games as “Gears of War” and franchises such as “Halo,” “Fable^®,” “Project Gotham Racing^®” and “Forza Motorsport^®”; and MSN^®

Games (http://www.games.msn.com), the official games channel for the MSN network and home to such hits as “Bejeweled” and “Hexic^®.”

About Microsoft

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (Nasdaq “MSFT”) is the worldwide leader in software, services and solutions that help people and businesses realize their full potential.

****

posted May 17 on my multiply blog

In memoriam

Yesterday, I ran errands for my mum, after that I picked her up from her house and we went to Manila Doctors Hospital to have her follow up with Dr. Bautista (her orthopedic diagnostician). while I was waiting for her in the hall (listening to Sarah McLachlan) I sent an SMS to a friend. Telling him to take care of himself. A minute or so later, i got a message from another friend s short yet devastating message... "Jaja's dead"

When i read the message, I didnt believe it, coz last April Fools, Jaja used Tita Becky's (his mom) phone to text us saying: "Please pray for my son, he is in the hospital right now, he was hit by a car..... (scroll down... scroll down) Happy April fools!"

So i called Jaja's mobile number and got the "the number you have dialed is out of coverage area" I called Coleen's number and got the same message. Not taking it seriously, i called Jaja's apartment and somebody answered. It was Tito Roman (his dad).

Being an oblivious twit, I asked to speak with Jaja or Coleen. Tito just said: "anak, Jasper and Coleen are gone. Naaksindente sila. A drunk driver hit them." As soon as the words sunk in, i felt like somebody punched me in the solar plexus. I literally gasped for air... the person sitting beside me in the hall even asked if there was something wrong. I went to the women's washroom and locked myself in a cubicle and continued gasping for air. After 5 minutes or so, i got out and went to the sink. I splashed some water on my face and tried to look normal.

I returned to the hall and continued waiting for my mom. I really couldn't believe that Jaja and Coleen were gone. Not two weeks have gone by since i talked to Jaja about my problem and here he was... off to a new chapter in the cycle of life.

I have been up since 5am yesterday... haven't slept yet. I tried to but I couldn't. I wanted to go to Jaja's apartment, but I think his family needed time to privately grieve before the horde of friends rained upon them. I didnt want to impose my being on their already burdened entities. So I stayed home.

The sandman didnt come to visit me last night so i finally gave up at 1am and turned my laptop on. Several friends were online and sadness engulfed me. I couldn't help myself, so i spoke with two of them. Juriele and Jay. I wasn't really seeking comfort, but there was this need in me to contact another live human being and talk.

I appreciated what my friend said to me. According to him, " its a matter of game... like you did at your war games, nobody knows our times.. when it comes, it comes... the trouble is the pain to those who were left. the thing is.. the pain isn't actually there, it's in the denial that someone had left and is focused on the way it happened... it ain't easy but it works that way..."

My eyes are burning due to unshed tears. I do not feel like crying but there is this terrible sadness in me. I loved Jaja and Coleen. They were my classmates during my JD years. They were my studymates, my Support group, my friends, my family...

they will be missed. :'(

oOo

Jaja and Coleen... see you on the flipside...

"Do not stand at my grave and weep...
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the mornings hush,
I am the swift upflinging rush...
of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the soft star-shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry...
I am not there... I did not die..."

Coleen Sycip
January 1, 1980 - May 9, 2007
beautiful mind, beautiful heart,
daughter, sister, friend
forever loved

Jasper Torres
September 16, 1980 - May 9, 2007
practical joker
big brother, good son
My Towerblock

----

posted May 9 on my Multiply blog. re-posting it here to keep this site updated as well... *sigh*

this is B.S

ok. i admit it... am a Sudoko addict. there!

bad day ahead. just received a message from my mum that she lost my passport. now i have to search every nook and cranny of my apartment and my room in wack wack to see if she didn't lose it there.

amma do that right after i get home from marikina later. the AGLSS Crew invited me to play in their wargames. gonna meet up with my bestfriend Howie later. kick their butts... gonna bring my trusty M4, my face mask and lace up mah combat boots.. and im soooooo ready to get rid of the stress that i have kept inside.

anyway, gotta go prepare for the games!

Kickass Goddess ready to Kick Ass!!

What Say You?

Get a Life Looser


Computers had always been associated with people having the social
skills of a stick, seems that it is becoming even more evident in
internet forums. Ah yes, the paradox of it all, forums are for people
to socialize, well in fact you are not becoming any more socialized
because you are in the world of cyberspace, you are trying to
communicate with people having shadow faces, a blind belief.


It seems pathetic that the persons with “the most number of post” in
forums are the ones without a social life, and it evident that they
have a lot of time in their hands. They don’t know what it is to live
and they must have a lot of social problems, this would serve as
escapism. A drug for geeks because they do not have the capacity to
talk with real people in flesh, pity . Pity indeed.


Have you ever been in a forum where this guy, lets call him Arthur, has
a debate with Tarzan, then Jane defends Tarzan while, Genie thanks
Arthur. When all the time Arthur, Tarzan, Jane, and Genie are one and
the same. Hahaha. Sad but true. Sad but true.


Try to go to professional forums and see how they avoid spamming
because of professional post. In most forums loosers never seem to have
an “EXCESSIVE COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR” to reply to any post even if that
person has no clue of the subject. Its true that we now have global
knowledge through forums but for crying out loud if you have nothing to
say just shut up and don't repeat what the person above you posted.


Poll whore, status hog, rank freak; what do you get from these anyway? Here is a dollar go out and get a life.

---

i got this while i was blogsurfing here on multiply...

what say you?

Bloody Bored

i am bloody bored. bloody bloody bored.

We all have friends. (hahahahaha taena anong klase kang tao pag wala kang friend.. kahit imaginary? sorry... *reigning in insane Jenn*)

let me repeat that... We all have friends. Some we made in high school, some in college, some from the office, some while piss drunk in an obscure-hole-in-the-wall bar in *ulk* Malate (jologs i know) some introduced to you by a friend (friendster ning!) or some you meet through the internet.

aaahhh... cyberspace... the last frontier.

when you are a corporate slave/cube dweller who sits in a cube 7 1/2 hours a day; 5 days a week...listening to people duke it out with those dumb aryans (sorry to sound racist... am not really *snicker* its just that its these people... let us label them as isolated cases.. they're like laxatives... they irritate the shit out of me... but i digress...) you find ways to entertain yourself lest you find yourself getting mad (and most of the time bored outta yer skull) and melt your brain to this slush that you can sell at the nearest Mini-Stop for 25.00 a cup. (haha.. eww.)

so whats my point? (getting there!) i just don't see why there are people that are amazed (even astounded) to know that you make friends (good ones at that) over the internet.

like i said, being a cube dweller makes you madiskarte. if you have a pc and internet access you learn to find workarounds for that darn firewall (either that or you make landi the IT dudes to give you access)

i subscribe to 3 online forums. Pinoyexchange.com (oi Ada plugging to ha! next time na bayad... hahahaha) peyups.com and symbianize.com...

i made/met good friends from those forums. some of my officemates even tease me about it. saying that I'm more happy with my virtual life compared to my real life.

i spend most of my free time posting in these forums because you find and get to "talk" to interesting people. when you are the type that craves good conversation... there are forums that cater to specific needs. ^_^

i love hanging out with friends that i can have a good conversation with. and these people that i met through the boards... they can deliver!

its not that I'm saying my officemates are morons, but talking about shop can only go so far.

*sigh*

gotta go back to pretending to work now...

---
(this was posted yesterday at my multiply blog)

Anesthesia

i have always appreciated when my friends would listen to my incessant chatter and innumerable questions... well I'm taking the time to thank all those people (specially those out of the country)

chuck: dude you rock. ever since we met last year (Gerry's) ive always envied you for taking hold of your dream and taking that leap off the cliff. one of the reasons why i didn't take that scholarship was because I'm a big coward.. i just tell people that I'm burnt out from college/law school to take that scholarship.. truth is.. I'm just scared to leave my comfort zone. call me crazy but i just keep on finding reasons not to go (New Castle scholarship... Lee Kwan Yew Scholarship). you're my vicarious thrill ^_^ hearing you talk about school there... damn.. makes me feel good (hahah pathetic i know) one of these days (but hopefully not too late...) ill take the plunge. thanks for being a constant inspiration.. (oh yeah.. syensya if I'm makulit sa YM)


gerard: my one true love... too bad we're both gay... :lol: tama na ang pag exile sa sarili mo... hindi masaya ang mag pastol ng kambing.. come back to civilization sweetie.. we miss you here.. i miss you!!! i miss our stupid shenanigans. i miss being drunk with you. i miss us. i miss having you around. basta pag nag offer na ang summit... come back ha?



Cerise: yeah, yeah, yeah.. i know its sad there in Bangkuber.. but don't worry,,, matapos lang yang tour of duty mo with Nana Maggie, you'll be back here in no time. Sascha, Dean, Panlilio and i are planning to go to Singapore on my birthday... if you're back here by that time... join us.. we miss having you around. i miss having you here. wala na akong kasamang inggitera/laitera/damsel in distress. hahaha thanks for reading (and answering) my super long novella emails. and as promised I'm out there trying to catch a man... sadly all i get are those siokoys that we talk about... pero guess what? I'm inspired.. :lol: too happy actually.. i'll post that on my next novella... hahaha i just wanted the world to know how much i appreciate you.

maxie: thanks for making me laugh (a lot) you're one cool dude. i really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me even when you're doing housechores. im also thankful that you dont get mad when i tease you.. ^_^

and to you: you are my anesthesia. you dull the pain that is my life. i know that we're just meant to be friends...but you make going through each day bearable. one day at a time dba? thank you so much.

oOo

just want to bi*tch about this... bakit walang pinto ang banyo ng women's washroom?! i mean ok may doors ang cubicles.. pero entering a washroom without a door is like entering a cubicle without a door either!!! ang haggard ha!

oOo

a major shout out to my SB groupies... Sherwyn, Lois and Jino!! i miss you guys. soooo looking forward to see you on saturday! Movie at Glorietta... Celebrate natin yung tapos ng exams ni Baby Jino. Tapos meet natin si Stef.

The Buzz

Yesterday, after shift Mickey and I went to Gerardo's to grab a few drinks before we went home. (also we wanted to unwind)

sitting at Gerardo's we ordered two bottle of Red Horse (500ml)... talked our brains and smoked our lungs out.

Im not an alcoholic but I love the feeling that you get after two bottles of beer...

a lovely feeling of lassitude permeates your body... everything seems to be fuzzy around the edges... and you become happy.

ay hindot...

more beer... hahahah

Ab-so-fuc-kin-tas-tic!!!!

All he asked was for them to be remembered.

A story of Honor. Fearlessness. Passion. Blood and Faith... This is what The 300 is about.

The movie is perfect.

300 is a fantasy tale based on the Battle of Thermophylae in which 300 Spartans led by the fierce King Leonidas (uber sexy Gerard Butler) made a heroic stand against the overwhelming Persian army commanded by Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro.. who uncannily looked like a bald Ru Paul *snigger*). Leonidas’ refusal to bow down to Xerxes sets the events in motion, with the Spartan 300 ready to willingly giving up their lives in order to keep Sparta free from the clutches of Xerxes and his invading horde.

The film's cinematography made the whole film look like one long dream sequence. The texture in the movie was so rich... so lush. I loved the way Leonidas' cloak flapped in the wind when he was climbing the mountain to visit the Council. I loved the contrast of color of the red Spartan cape on the golden wheatfield. The Oracle's dance. One word.. LUSH.

Another aspect that I absolutely loved about the movie were the lines that the characters delivered. They were witty, the comic timing was just right and inspiring. I really had to laugh at the thought that they were the ones where trash talking started from take for instance:

"Lay down your arms!"
"Come and get them..."

"Our arrows will blot out the sun..."
"Then we will fight in the shade"

oOo

"Spartan women give birth to real men..." (this line just killed me... it just killed me)

" Go and die. I’ll never see you again, but you’ll do this as a free man. Don’t answer this
question as a king or as a Spartan citizen but as a free man."

"This is where we fight... This is where they die..."

This is a film that never, not for one second, considers taking its foot off the accelerator. Once the battle is joined, it pretty much keeps going until the final frame, with only a few dialogue-driven scenes placed here and there to allow you to catch your breath, turn to your buddy and say, "Are you #%!#$!* kidding me!"

(i loved the scene where Leonidas and the Queen were doing it... wow... it was so hot, it almost burnt off my eyebrows...)

But 300's expository scenes are only a small part of the action anyway, a meager price you pay for beautifully choreographed battle scenes. Snyder's fancy camerawork translates 300 from the page so well that it looks more like a comic book than even Sin City. Scenes ebb, flow and freeze in time with the perfectly matched score, and images last just long enough for you to savor them, before being replaced by something equally startling... Seriously... Poetry in motion.

im seriously endorsing this movie because i loved everything about it (even the homosexual undertones... hahaha all that testosterone has to go somewhere...)

The phalanx as it moved as one at The Hot Gate.

Simply put, the movie is like the perfect woman...
Sexy. Gorgeous. Funny. Stunning. Intelligent.

** p.s**
Also, it didnt hurt that there were 300 Gorgeous men in leather (?) underwear, with washboard abs and ripped muscles. hahahaha... Gotta lurve all those lovely golden skin exposed... God love the Spartans.

Symbianize - Exclusive PINOY Community

What is Symbianize.com?

Symbianize.com is a Filipino / Pinoy Chat, Mobile Phone and Computer Resource Forum. FREE applications, games, themes, graphics, e-books, tones, mp3, videos, tools, tutorials, tips, and support. All Filipinos are welcome to join. Discussions are not pure technical. Anything can be discuss, from deep, contemporary conversations to meaningless, shallow chit-chat. Visit: http://www.symbianize.com

oOo

i just joined this group last January 1 and they rock! (what a fabulous way to start the year!)

i found them when i googled e-books.. and then they provided me with all my e-book requests from all my fave authors. the people there are Filipino so its so easy to talk to them. they are all pretty accomodating too..

they also cater to computer applications, mp3 & ebook requests and answer any question that you may have on your mind... so please.. if you want to make new friends and satisfy your craving for information.. please visit us at WWW.SYMBIANIZE.COM

look for margaux_sofya, Global360, kerstinne25, ShaneIsha, its4fun, Battosai and Lance... theyre one of the most helpful people there...

peaceout~