In memoriam

Yesterday, I ran errands for my mum, after that I picked her up from her house and we went to Manila Doctors Hospital to have her follow up with Dr. Bautista (her orthopedic diagnostician). while I was waiting for her in the hall (listening to Sarah McLachlan) I sent an SMS to a friend. Telling him to take care of himself. A minute or so later, i got a message from another friend s short yet devastating message... "Jaja's dead"

When i read the message, I didnt believe it, coz last April Fools, Jaja used Tita Becky's (his mom) phone to text us saying: "Please pray for my son, he is in the hospital right now, he was hit by a car..... (scroll down... scroll down) Happy April fools!"

So i called Jaja's mobile number and got the "the number you have dialed is out of coverage area" I called Coleen's number and got the same message. Not taking it seriously, i called Jaja's apartment and somebody answered. It was Tito Roman (his dad).

Being an oblivious twit, I asked to speak with Jaja or Coleen. Tito just said: "anak, Jasper and Coleen are gone. Naaksindente sila. A drunk driver hit them." As soon as the words sunk in, i felt like somebody punched me in the solar plexus. I literally gasped for air... the person sitting beside me in the hall even asked if there was something wrong. I went to the women's washroom and locked myself in a cubicle and continued gasping for air. After 5 minutes or so, i got out and went to the sink. I splashed some water on my face and tried to look normal.

I returned to the hall and continued waiting for my mom. I really couldn't believe that Jaja and Coleen were gone. Not two weeks have gone by since i talked to Jaja about my problem and here he was... off to a new chapter in the cycle of life.

I have been up since 5am yesterday... haven't slept yet. I tried to but I couldn't. I wanted to go to Jaja's apartment, but I think his family needed time to privately grieve before the horde of friends rained upon them. I didnt want to impose my being on their already burdened entities. So I stayed home.

The sandman didnt come to visit me last night so i finally gave up at 1am and turned my laptop on. Several friends were online and sadness engulfed me. I couldn't help myself, so i spoke with two of them. Juriele and Jay. I wasn't really seeking comfort, but there was this need in me to contact another live human being and talk.

I appreciated what my friend said to me. According to him, " its a matter of game... like you did at your war games, nobody knows our times.. when it comes, it comes... the trouble is the pain to those who were left. the thing is.. the pain isn't actually there, it's in the denial that someone had left and is focused on the way it happened... it ain't easy but it works that way..."

My eyes are burning due to unshed tears. I do not feel like crying but there is this terrible sadness in me. I loved Jaja and Coleen. They were my classmates during my JD years. They were my studymates, my Support group, my friends, my family...

they will be missed. :'(

oOo

Jaja and Coleen... see you on the flipside...

"Do not stand at my grave and weep...
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the mornings hush,
I am the swift upflinging rush...
of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the soft star-shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry...
I am not there... I did not die..."

Coleen Sycip
January 1, 1980 - May 9, 2007
beautiful mind, beautiful heart,
daughter, sister, friend
forever loved

Jasper Torres
September 16, 1980 - May 9, 2007
practical joker
big brother, good son
My Towerblock

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posted May 9 on my Multiply blog. re-posting it here to keep this site updated as well... *sigh*