Looking for my Happy Place (Day 1)

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happines in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." - Og Mandino

i am embarking on a journey to find my happy place and pick up the pieces of my fragmented self.

this past few weeks have been taking its toll on me. i have been spreading myself too thin and now im hanging on to my sanity by the tips of my fingernails. ive often wondered why whenever my friends would confide in me about their problems i would often end up being bothered about their problems as well.

im trying to find a coping mechanism for this weird glitch in my system. but since i havent found that yet, am suffering in silence.

whenever im depressed and bothered i would just go sleep it off. but lately i have been losing sleep and i havent been my usual effusive self. i also tried to go to my happy place, but it has been elusive to me as well.

i kinda figured out that the reason why im pretty depressed and disappointed is because i dont have time for myself anymore. i devote most of my time lately trying to resolve other people's issues (may it be my friends or clients)

so this is the solution that i came up with.

im eschewing all my friends for the moment and go find my happy place. i dont even want to think of which ball i need to drop, so im dropping all the balls that im juggling altogether.

now the main problem here is that i dont know how to go to my happy place. coffee and ciggies arent as effective as they used to be...

well day one for the search for my happy place has been going relatively well. im kinda happy that i was able to talk to my wonderful wonderful wonderful best friend Dodie. but im eschewing him as well for this soul search.

i miss myself. i miss smiling. i miss laughing. i miss my happy place.

End of Day Happy Place Search Result: one step closer to my happy place. Thanks Dodie. Love you so much Bes.

oOo

"Zen is the practice of moment by moment awareness... The past is done, the future is not yet here, neither of those two are real. Only the present matters" - Zen