hiding inside myself

“Honorable retreats are no ways inferior to brave charges, as having less fortune, more of discipline, and as much valor.”

-William Orville Douglas-

a lot of shiite has happened in the past few days. i am battered, bruised and very hurt. i guess i never learn. be too nice, you get abused. be strict then you're a bad guy. its very tricky to find the middle ground. i am tired. my heart is tired of caring (for now)

people say that i care too much about what goes on around me. that i have a messiah complex. that i worry too much. why shouldn't i? they're my friends and family too. aren't you supposed to love and care and worry about them? i never get this part right. some say i play the martyr. some of you say i just love misery. maybe you're right. maybe you're wrong. right now i just want to hide in the deepest recesses of the dark and stay there till i am healed.

so while i heal myself, i am going back up my tower. i have fortified the castle walls; pulled the drawbridge up and closed all the boltholes to the keep as well. do not expect me to answer your calls or your text messages. i just need time for myself... so that i can take the next round of beating that life administers.

... oh yeah ... Finn's dad, thank you for remembering that i am afraid of the dark. you surprised me there yesterday...