A Place for my Head...

yesterday was a bad day. i had a fight with one of my friends.

i like helping people, but when it starts to become an obligation for me, its not fun anymore. yesterday, one of my friends called me up and asked if he could ask a favor from me. i told him that i was still waiting for certain things to happen before i could commit. then he plays the favoritism card. he says how come whenever he would be the one to ask a favor from me i would either give a definite maybe or a maybe maybe. i never commit. but when our other friends ask a favor from me, i acquiesce.

i told him that it doesnt happen that way. maybe it was just wrong timing. im all out of favors right now. i told him that in the past few months, a few friends came up to me and asked for help. ive tapped the cookie jar one too many times already. they havent returned the favor yet so i cant keep the circle going. Harvey still owes me a huuuge favor while Jam is still waiting for his to be given. then he drops the line.

it made me sad that he had the gall to get mad at me just because i wasnt able to help him out. but it made me mad because pucha naman i know kelangan mo ng tulong, pero wag mo akong i-pressure sa problema mo. i got a little incensed as well with the thought that most of my friends sometimes can be so insensitive too. Just because i acquiesce most of the time, doesnt mean that they can walk all over me.

be sensitive.

i rarely show people that i get mad because i know that more often than not relationships are destroyed by the careless, thoughtless torrent of words and emotions that pour out of you under extreme duress and once they are out in the open, you cant take them back anymore. so those who know me well, know that when im quiet, its either im drunk/tipsy or im angry.

so where am i going with this? i dont know either. i just need to vent.

i just need a place for my head.

these are the days that i question my faith in humanity...

*deep sigh*